Full House
by MPHknows
Summary: A chapter for each and every episode. If you've seen Full House, you'll love it. If you havent, you'll still love it. Six people living in a house together. Many different attitudes, many different interests, one family. Fax, Naidan, and Liggy later on.
1. S01 E01 Our Very First Show

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.

Full House

_Season One; Episode One:_

_Our Very First Show_

(Dylan's POV)

As of now there were five people living in this house. Soon to be four, then six. Myself(twenty one), my younger adopted sister Nudge Tanner(eleven), my sister-in-law Artiglio Venom(eight), and my twenty month old daughter Michelle were going to stay in this house while my mother (who was leaving since it was now a year after my wife's death) was leaving today.

Then my brother-in-law and my best bud would be moving in to help me raise the girls.

A lot had changed since Pam's death, but the girls were coping as well as they could. She was like a mother figure to all of them.

"Mom, do you have to go?" Nudge asked, tugging on her own black hair that matched well with her mocha skin.

"Yes, honey. I have to get back to work. You're brother will take care of you," my mother winked at me, brushing her golden blond hair out of her ocean green blue eyes and reminding me so much of myself.

"Ms Tanner," Artiglio's voice came from the bottom of the stairs, "Do you know when my parents will be back from Greece?"

I stepped in before my mother could answer, "They said there was still a lot of work to be done after the disaster, so you're more than likely staying in my custody."

My mother glanced down at her watch, "Oh, I've got to go if I want to catch my plane."

Then I spent a total of five minutes pulling the three girls apart.

As soon as my mother's cab pulled away, Nudge walked inside and plopped down on the couch with a huff.

"Oh, come on. Fang and Iggy should be here anytime. You guys usually have a great time."

Artiglio got a big grin on her face, "That's right! My brother should be here sometime today! I'll go finish moving my stuff into Nudge's room!"

Just as she disappeared up the stairs and down the hallway, the front door opened to show a big mass of crinkled clothes with legs.

"Iggy!" I called happily, going to try and give him a huge and ending up with my arms full of the clothes.

"This is great," I heard him say, "I move into a place with a washing machine the same day I run out of clean clothes."

And with that, I dropped them on the floor.

"Well, it's going to be great having you live here, buddy," I said, patting him on the back.

"Care to show me my room?" he asked, placing his hands on his hips. His strawberry blond hair was cut short and his blue eyes were wide and happy.

"Yup," I said, walking into the alcove in the back of the living room.

"This is my room? It's so small!"

"Yes, but it's where you will live. For free."

"What was I saying? It's enormous!" Iggy said loudly, imitating the echo after the last word.

"Hey, Iggy," Nudge muttered, walking past him and up the stairs.

His eyebrows scrunched together, "Is she not taking it well?"

"About something. Not Pam, I don't think, or she would've been acting like this before. It must be something that came up with my mother leaving."

He shrugged, "Where's the little one?"

"She's in her room taking a nap. If you could go get her, that's be great. I have to feed her something soon."

Iggy gave me a big grin, running up the stairs and leaving me to myself.

The front door slammed open once again, my brother-in-law walking in with his bags. His black bangs were falling into his obsidian eyes, the rest falling to his shoulders.

"Where will I be staying?" he asked, a look in his eyes telling me that he obviously had a long night. And the dark, huge bruise like hickeys on his neck said a lot too.

"Upstairs," I said simply, leading him up the stairs. Once you got up the stairs there was a hallway with three doors on one side and two on the other. On the side with three, the one closest led to the attic, the one after that to the bathroom, then the next was Nudge's (and now Artiglio's) room. On the other side, the closest was Michelle's room and I led Fang into the one just past that.

"This was your little sister's old room," I explained, gesturing to the blue room with a closet on one side and a bare mattress setting on its bed frame.

"What's with the bunnies?" he asked, pointing at the double stripe of pink bunnies across the entire room on the walls.

"She went through a pink stage."

"All I need is a Barbie's dream house under the window."

"We have one," I replied, watching as he chuckled. "I'm glad you and Iggy decided to move in and help me. It's going to mean a lot to the girls."

He nodded, "Dylan, I loved Pam. And I love Lio and Nudge. I'm glad to help. My sisters meant the world to me. When you became part of Pam's family, you became part of mine."

I took a deep breath before wrapping my arms around Fang, "Thank you so much."

"You're hugging me in a room with pink bunnies!" he shouted, making me let go.

"Sorry. I'm…" I sighed, "I'm Dylan Tanner and I'm a lean mean hugging machine."

His eyebrow twitched before he huffed, "If you ever feel the need to hug me again, don't. One day, we'll set aside some special time for you to try and hug me and for me to scream for mercy."

I laughed, punching his shoulder.

(Nudge's POV)

I finished pulling the yellow tape across the middle of the room. A noise came from behind me, making me turn around. Artiglio was standing there, holding onto her teddy bear with her obsidian eyes wide and her black hair pulled up into a long braid.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Making boundaries," I huffed, picking her up by underneath her arms and placing her on the other side of the yellow tape. "You're not allowed to cross this line."

"How am I supposed to get out?"

"Find a way. You're not allowed to step a _foot_ on this side."

"Fine," she said calmly, setting Mr. Bear on her bed before walking over to the window that was so big it fit on both sides. She tugged on the curtain, making sure it was strong enough, before beginning to climb up it like a little spider monkey.

Once she reached the top, she began using all her strength to climb across using the bar. After a minute, she reached my side.

And that's when I pulled the string, causing her and the curtain to move back to where she started.

"Lio, what are you doing?" Dylan's voice came from behind me.

"Oh, just hanging," was her reply.

"Get down from there," he said, taking her down and setting on the ground.

Artiglio's eyes spotted something (or someone) else behind me, a grin spreading across her face, "Fang! Can I have a piggy back ride?"

"Sure," he answered, carrying her out of the room.

I turned to Dylan, "The kid's smart."

(Fang's POV)

The door bell rang, pulling me out of the kitchen and through the living room to the front door. Behind the door stood Justine, a woman who I had met only last night.

"I thought you were supposed to be out of the country by now?" I asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Flight schedule changed. Can I stay with you tonight?" she whispered, placing a hand on my black t-shirt that covered my torso.

"Have mercy," I muttered before a voice came from behind me.

"Fang!" Artiglio called, making me turn around, "Play ballerina with me!"

"Fang doesn't want to play ballerina," I replied to her.

"Yes he does."

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"_No he doesn't."_

"Yes he does," she wined, acting as if she was crying.

I crouched down to her level, "How do you play ballerina?"

"Like this!" she yelled excitedly, pulling me away from the door.

(Dylan's POV)

I held my baby Michelle in my arms, watching as Iggy and Artiglio came down the stairs in the kitchen/dining room. "Hey," Iggy said, messing with his diamond earring, "why don't we all go somewhere out tonight, so no one has to cook after moving in all this stuff *cough* me *cough*"

"Can you go pry Fang away from Justine, then? And Lio, can you go up to your room and get Nudge?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Cause she moved out."

Soon, I was yelling emergency and running up the stairs to their room, panic taking over my senses temporarily.

(Artiglio's POV)

The room was bare, like I had seen it before I came downstairs. Well, it was bare all except for my side.

I didn't listen as my brother, Dylan, and Iggy talked until they started making decisions and Dylan's voice got louder.

"Fang, you call the school; Iggy, you call the mall; I'll get a hold of the neighbors."

"And I'll get Nudge," I said proudly, about to leave the room when my brother grabbed hold of the back of my shirt.

Dylan crouched down in front of me, "Honey, do you know where Nudge is?"

"Yes I do."

"And you knew all along?"

"Yes I did."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Nobody asked me."

(Nudge's POV)

My best friend was a total of five years older than me, yet in the same grade. Lupo Greyback was actually very smart, but she wasn't one to do work on paper. If we did an oral quiz every day in class, she'd be set, but the sixteen year old clammed up and forgot everything she knew when a sheet of questions was set in front of her.

Right now, I was sitting on a long lawn chair and was stretched out as far as I could go in the garage, my phone pressed to my ear as I talked to Lupo.

Then I heard people storming down the stairs, Dylan starting to talk to me. I ignored him, trying to only focus on Lupo until I heard Iggy's imitating voice.

"Nudge," he said, trying to imitate Bill Cosby. "Why don't you move back in upstairs and I'll make you a big bowl of pudding?"

"No, Lupo, that's not really him." I hung up the phone, turning to the three men standing in front of me. "I was on the phone."

"Michelle is crying," Artiglio called down the stairs, making Iggy turn and walk up them.

"I'll go help him," Dylan said, his paranoid voice coming out. "Fang, can you take care of this?"

"Sure," he muttered, staring down at me like he was trying to figure out what I was. "Why don't you move back upstairs?"

"Nope." I popped the 'p'.

"I'll give you ten bucks if you move back."

"Fifty."

"Twenty."

"Forty nine."

"A buck?" he exclaimed, "You went down a buck?"

"Back up to fifty."

He sighed, "Fine, but just because I want to get back to Justine."

I took the cash he had holding out and began to pick up my stuff.

(Dylan's POV)

Fang and Nudge walked into the living room. "Good," I said, smiling at Fang.

He grinned back at me, "Now, I'm getting back to Justine."

"Justine's not up there!" I called just as he was about to go up the stairs.

He froze, his fist beating against the rail. "Where is she?" he asked, turning around.

"Well… I told her that, with three girls in the house, if she really needed a place to stay, she should sleep on the couch. And, she left."

"She left?" He whined before glaring at me, "You planned this, didn't you?" He turned to Nudge, "Deal's off, I want my money."

She slammed the cash into his hand before walking back to the kitchen and heading to the garage. I stared at my brother-in-law in disbelief. "You bribed her?"

He shrugged, "It worked, didn't it?"

I rolled my eyes before following Nudge. "Hey," I called, watching as she turned, "Why are you doing this?"

"Everything's changing," She said, huffing into a seat at the kitchen table as she tried not to let the tears that were brimming fall down her face. "First Pam, then Mom, now my own room?"

I sighed, "I don't know what to say. Pam was always better at this parenting thing. I bet she would've handled this differently."

"She would've caught me before I moved. She always knew what I was doing before I did it."

I nodded, "She always had a knack for stuff like that."

Nudge laughed, giving me a small smile, "I'll move back in with Lio. I don't think she'll be half bad."

"Plus," I added in, "If she ever gets too much, just make her spend the night in Michelle's room."

**Part you have to look up: Jesse and Joey diapering Michelle.**

**A/N: I will have a part you have to look up from each episode that I either didn't know how to fit in or didn't want to take the time to explain or thought it would just simply be funnier for you if you saw the clip.**


	2. S01 E02 Our Very First Night

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original. **Never mind that, my memory is Horrid!**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Two:_

_Our Very First Night_

(Fang's POV)

I tacked up my Elvis poster as I sang out loud, only to hear a voice behind me. "Hey, Fang," Artiglio called.

"Hey, kid."

"What happened to my room?"

"Well, isn't it cool? I'm hanging Elvis up over here."

"Over my bunnies?"

"Well, yeah. Lio, your bunnies are a little… pink."

"Sissy made those bunnies just for me. Don't you like them?"

I popped the Elvis poster off the wall, hearing it fall to the ground as I pointed at the bunnies that were behind it, "These bunnies? I love these bunnies. I'm sure Elvis had bunnies hanging up all over Graceland."

"Okay," Dylan called, walking into the room, "Riddle time. Who has black hair, purple pajamas, and is up way past her bedtime?"

Lio looked down at the floor, "Elvis?"

"Lio!" Iggy called from out in the hallway, "The sand man express is coming."

Lio gave a grin, crawling onto my bed as she watched Iggy crawl in on his hands and knees, making a loud train noise with his harmonica. Lio climbed onto his back as he crawled by before riding him out of the room.

We followed them across the hall until Lio climbed off his back and onto the toy box at the end of her bed. "Thank you, sand man," She said to Iggy, a big smile on her face.

Iggy grinned back, "And we run every night."

Nudge stood at the end of her own bed, "If I climb on now, will you drop me off at the nearest hotel?"

"Let's say good night," Dylan said, going to tuck in Artiglio.

"Good night, junior babes," I called, about to walk out of the room.

"Fang," Lio stopped me, "tell us a bed time story."

"Fang doesn't know any bedtime stories."

"Yes he does."

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"_No he doesn't."_

Lio stuck out her bottom lip, "Yes he does."

"I'll make one up," I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "Guys, help me out here," I called as we all gathered around Nudge's bed with both her and Lio snuggled up in it.

"We'll make it a game," Iggy said, "Lio, you start the story and you girls say our names when you want us to continue it."

"Okay!" Lio said excitedly, "Once upon a time there was a pretty girl named Cinderella. Dylan!"

"And Cinderella wanted to go to this big fancy ball. And on the way, she wandered into this cabin and she fell asleep in papa bear's bed."

"I don't think so," Lio commented, shaking her head."

"No, wait, it gets better. So, she's on the bed, she's out like a light, when all of a sudden-"

"Eh! Iggy!"

"When Cinderella woke up she was real thirsty so she went to seven eleven for a slurpy where she ran into Bullwinkle. So Bullwinkle says 'Hello Cinderella, would you like to come to the ball with me? Not only am I a great dancer, but you can hang your coat on my antlers'-"

"Eh! Fang!"

"Cinderella, Bullwinkle, they get married. They go on the newlywed game and win the grand prize picked especially for them. Good night."

"Eh! Dylan!"

"Until, the big bad wolf came over. And he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew their house down. And he can do it too cause, as we all know, wolves have an amazing lung capacity."

"Eh! Iggy!"

"So-"

"Eh! Fang!"

"The wolf, the moose, the babe, they all fell in love, right? They moved to Sweden where people are a lot cooler about that sort of thing. And that's the end of the story. Good night and good bye."

Nudge looked at Artiglio, "No monsters, no witches, but that story was _very_ scary."

"Okay," Dylan said, leading Artiglio back to her bed, "Time to go to bed."

"Can I ask one more favor?"

"Sure, honey, what is it?"

Lio turned around to her bedside table and picked up a stack of story books, "Study these, we'll talk about them in the morning."

Dylan turned to Iggy and I, "Okay, who wants Puddle Duck and The Quack Quack Gang?"

We looked at each other before speaking simultaneously, "Read it."

Later that night, as I headed down the stairs, I noticed Iggy and Dylan both headed to the front door. I reached it first, laying my hand on the knob right as Dylan called out.

"Wait, wait! Hold it, guy! Red light! Guys, the only way that three adults can leave the house at the same time is if three children are with them. Two adults can leave. One adult can leave. Three, two, or one child can leave with one to three adults," Iggy and I looked at each other as he continued, "But three adults can never leave with less than three children. Got it?"

I sighed, "Look, that's all fascinating, but I've got band rehearsal."

Dylan blocked me as I tried to leave again and Iggy started to talk, "Yeah, and I've got a ten thirty slot at the Laugh Machine."

Dylan took a deep breath, "I have to do the sports at ten. I'm sorry, Fang."

My eyes widened, "What do you mean 'I'm sorry, Fang'? Why not 'I'm sorry, Iggy'? Or 'I'm sorry, Dylan'?"

Dylan looked me straight in the eyes, "Because I have an actual job that pays money."

"And I bring the gift of laughter into the world. At ten thirty."

"Yes, well, I make music," I sat down my guitar case. "Songs that touch people's hearts, that penetrate their very souls. Now, how can you compare that to telling…" I looked at Iggy, "Jokes?"

Iggy scoffed, "Are you seriously trying to tell me that music is more important than comedy?"

"You got it, Pal."

"Two words: Ozzy Osbourne."

"Two more words: Rip Taylor."

"The Partridge Family."

"Any one of Hee Haw."

"Charo."

"Bozo."

Iggy stepped back, "Hey, Bozo did some brilliant work."

"Oh, right, right. The early Bozo was real good, I'm sorry."

"Okay, we'll settle this the only fare way. Ready? Go!" He dashed to the door which Dylan had just opened, slipping through it as Dylan snatched the back of my jacket to keep me inside. Iggy stuck his hand inside the door, making it talk, "Once again, comedy kicks music's butt."

Dylan patted me on the back as he walked past me, pushing me slightly so I stayed inside, "I'm sorry. All three girls are sleeping like angels. I know I can trust you. If there's even the slightest problem-"

"Yeah, yeah. Go live your life. Hey, babe, its fine. I'll just give up my dreams of success in the music business. I'll sit home and read Hunny-bunny in the Wee Little Glen."

"I couldn't put it down."

"Get out of here." I shut the door behind him, turning around only to catch Nudge and Artiglio sneaking down the stairs and heading to the kitchen. "Girls," I said, following them into the kitchen to catch them grabbing two cartons of ice cream out of the freezer, "Whoa, whoa!" They stopped in their tracks. "Girls, aren't you supposed to be in bed, dreaming about Tweety-Bird? Or Big Bird? Or Larry Bird or something?"

"Fang," Nudge said, setting down her carton and turning to me, "If we get hungry, Dylan always makes sure we have our midnight snack."

Artiglio stood on her tip-toes, a big smile on her face, "We're gonna have ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk!"

Nudge's eyes went wide, "And cookies."

She tried to maneuver around me, but I stopped her, "Freeze, chick! Alright, I know. I'm pretty hip here. You guys think I'm an idiot or something?" They shrugged and I got an idea. Dylan wanted me to take care of the girls; I'd take care of the girls. My own way. "Let me tell you something. I know what's going on here. Dylan's gone and it's 'Let's take advantage of the babysitter' time. Well, I got news for you, girls. Fang's a little too sharp to be taken on that kind of ride." I grinned, "You can have ice cream and chocolate milk, but no cookies!"

Artiglio threw her arms in the air, about to say something when Nudge put a hand over her mouth. She gave me and expressionless look, "Okay."

(Nudge's POV)

I held onto the end of the jump rope, the other end wrapped around the corner of my bed. I was swinging while Lio jumped and sang, "Z, my name is Zippy. And my husband's name is Zorro. We come from San Francisco with a carload of zebras. A, my name is Alice-"

"That's enough jump rope," I called, dropping the rope and watching as Lio continued to jump. "Let's do the hand jive."

Lio shook her head, "I can't stop jumping." I reached out, placing my hands on her shoulders and keeping her feet on the ground. "I may never sleep again. Thanks."

I started nodding, "Two bowls of ice cream sure give you a lot of pep, huh?"

"Does 'pep' mean you can't blink?"

"That's pep." Music started coming up from the stairs and Lio and I shared a look, "Party time."

(Fang's POV)

Instruments filled my eardrums, "Fellahs! Fellahs! I've got three little girls up there trying to get some sleep. Sticks," I said, taking the drumsticks away from the drummer. "Licorice."

I picked up my guitar, which was not plugged in, "Here we go. Jumpin' Jack Flash in B. Ready. One, two, three, four!"

I started to sing in a whisper, knowing I was being stupid, when I noticed the band not playing along, "What's the matter? Someone out of tune?"

Just as the tambourine player was about to say something, Nudge and Lio came storming down the stairs. Lio was the first all the way up to the band, "Do you guys know any Bangles stuff?"

"Girls, you're supposed to be in bed. What would Dylan say about this?"

"He wouldn't mind," Nudge flipped her wrist. "He'd say we're really lucky to have a chance to listen to the greatest rock band in the world."

I rolled my eyes before remembering my plan… if you could call it a plan, "Well, yeah, if you put it that way. Yeah, okay."

Nudge walked over to the tambourine player, admiring her purple streaks, "Great hair. Could you show me how to do that?"

She smiled, "Sure, it's real easy. Just sprays right on."

The bell rang and Nudge turned to the front door, "Oh, that's for me."

"Whoa!" I called.

"Oh, I bet Dylan forgot to tell you about our eleven o'clock pizza."

I smirked, watching as Nudge and Lio opened the door. "Hi, how much?" Nudge asked.

The pizza guy looked down at her but answered anyway, "Eleven fifty."

Nudge took the pizza out of his hand and handed it to Lio, "Did the cheese slide off or stick to the box?"

"Nope," she called, hidden behind the enormous top of the box.

Nudge handed the pizza guy his money and was about to shut the door when he noticed me and the rest of the band, "Do you mind if I check out the band?"

"Come on in," I called, "Open party." I turned to Lio and Nudge as they made themselves comfortable with their pizza, "All right, girls. Listen here, now. It's almost midnight. You guys listen to two, three songs max. You eat your pie. Then straight to bed, no nonsense."

Lio looked up with a piece of cheese pizza in her hand, "Boy, are you strict."

I turned to the band, "Alright, here we go!"

Way past midnight, they girls were dancing up on the amps as everybody played and I sang.

_Little sister, don't you_

_Little sister, don't you_

_Little sister, don't you kiss me once or twice_

_And say it's very nice then run_

_Yeah_

_Little sister, don't you do what your big sister does_

Iggy ran into the house, slamming the door shut behind him, **"Conga!"**

The band and I changed the tune quickly, watching as Iggy and the pizza guy started to conga, the tambourine player following in suite.

That's when Dylan flew through the door, a surprised look on his face. The music died off as Iggy scurried around behind me to hide himself. Iggy looked at me, "Boy, are you gonna get it."

Dylan looked angry, "Attention, Solid Gold Farm team. Its twelve fifteen and your hair is purple." He picked Nudge up off the amp before setting her on the ground then moving to Lio. "Get down. And I don't mean 'get funky'." He turned to Iggy and I, "Boys, boys, boys. Walk with me. Talk with me. How could you possibly let this happen?"

Iggy held up his hands, "Hold it. On behalf of Iggy, I would just like to say that Iggy is innocent. Well, it was true, I was doing a conga when you walked in, but I conga a lot. My name is Iggy and I'm a conga-holic."

"Well," Nudge intervened, "Its way past our bedtime. Come on, Lio. Goodnight, everybody!"

Dylan sighed angrily, "Girls, get back over here. You're in just as much trouble as they are."

"Dylan, I know we're supposed to be-"

"Nudge, hang on," I interrupted her. "It's not the girls fault, it's mine. I invited the band over, I woke the girls up, I ordered pizza. I was throwing a party, I needed chicks."

A baby's cry flowed down the stairs and Iggy took the chance, "Baby alert, baby alert."

As all three of us headed up the stairs, Dylan called back down, "You girls get right in bed. You guys follow me. And if that baby's hair if purple."

We entered Michelle's room, Dylan still talking, "You were irresponsible, you were unreliable. I'll get back to you." He bent over his daughters crib, "Oh, Michelle. Honey, it's okay. Daddy's here." He picked her up, holding her close. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and that's when Dylan got a small smile on his face, "I see what this is. Michelle's getting a new tooth. That really hurts."

"I had nothing to do with it," I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air.

Dylan rolled his eyes at me before looking back at his daughter, "Poor baby. Imagine a sharp, pointy, calcified projectile ripping and knifing its way through your soft, tender, inflames gum tissue."

I rolled my jaw, sympathy pains shooting through me. Iggy looked like he had the same problem, voicing his opinion, "I say we buy her a pony."

Dylan sat her back in her crib, "Sometimes a teething ring helps." He looked over at her dresser, noticing a yellow hand-shaped one, "Here, Michelle. Here you go," he handed it to her. "Here, Honey."

The next thing we knew, Iggy was catching it as it flew out of her crib. He looked at us and smiled, "Is this anything like catching the bouquet? Am I the next one to have a baby?"

Michelle began to cry again. I sighed, "All right. Excuse me, fellahs. Let the pro in. I'll show you how it's done." I reached down, poking my finger into her mouth. "All right, little munchkin, where does it hurt?" She automatically went quiet. "Wait a minute; give me my finger back, kid."

As soon as I brought my hand away, she began wailing again. The guys looked at me expectantly. I huffed, sticking my finger slightly back into her mouth.

Dylan rolled his shoulders, "Well, your brain's not working tonight, but your finger's doing great. Iggy, do me a favor. I put one of Michelle's teething rings in the freezer. I'd like a word alone with the alleged babysitter."

Iggy was about to leave when he turned to me, "I guess it's a bad time to ask for that girl singer's phone number?"

"Get out."

Dylan began to circle the crib and myself, "Well, well, well."

"What? What? What?"

"Shame, shame, shame."

"Feel like I'm being chewed out in the Grand Canyon."

"I supposed I should be happy the house is still standing. I must have been crazy to think you were adult enough to take care of these kids. You really let me down."

He began to walk out of the room, "Wait a minute, where you going?"

"I thought I'd call up the Beasty Boys and ask them if they wanna take the girls to the park tomorrow." With that, he walked off.

I looked down at Michelle, "You love this, don't you?"

(Artiglio's POV)

I sat at the small round table in the middle of mine and Nudge's room, "Fang's the best babysitter we ever had."

"Yeah," she nodded, "But I think he's in big trouble."

A knock sounded at our bedroom door and Nudge looked at me, "Get into bed." I hurriedly followed Nudge, "No, no, no! Your bed!"

I dove under my covers, seeing the lights in the room go off just as the door opened and Dylan walked in.

"Girls? Are you awake?" He asked, flipping on the light.

Nudge sat up and stretched, "Dylan? Is that you?"

I squinted, "Is it morning?"

Dylan gave us a look before sitting down on the table, "Nudge, Lio, please come over here right now. Girls, we have a problem with your brother."

Nudge blinked a few time, "Oh, no, Dylan, we didn't have any problems with Fang at all."

Dylan shook his head, something about it telling me this was more than likely an act. "I'm sorry. He was just so irresponsible. What is this?" He asked, picking up our hidden ice cream bowls. "Uh-oh. Empty bowls and empty cartons. Oh, now I see what happened. Fang forced ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk down your throats and then hid the evidence under your table. Oh, the sick fiend. He probably ignored you when you told him no sweets after bedtime, huh?"

Nudge looked at the floor, "Probably."

"No probably about it, because otherwise you'd be lying. And you know better than that, don't you?" He looked directly at me.

I frowned, "Probably."

"Well, that does it. I guess asking your brother to move here was just a big mistake. In fact, this may be a matter for the police. Now, sweet dreams, my perfect little angels."

Just as he was about the walk out the door, I called after him, "Dylan, wait! We were bad."

He turned around expectantly and Nudge began to speak, "We did everything. We even ordered the pizza. We should all go apologize to Fang."

"You're right." He nodded, getting a look on his face, "You go first."

Nudge looked up at him, "Are you gonna punish us?"

"Before you answer that," I called, pulling something out of my toy box. "We saved you a slice of pizza."

(Fang's POV)

I ran my free hand through my hair, looking down at Michelle, "Good point, Michelle. The thing I wonder is what's life all about, anyway? I mean, twenty four hours ago, I was a relatively cool guy. Today I'm a six foot teething ring. All right, bedtime. We're going to my bed. Come with me."

I picked her up before moving through the hallway and into my room. Just as I entered my room with Michelle, I heard Nudge's voice behind me. "Fang?"

"Whatever it is, the answer is no."

Nudge put an arm around Artiglio, "We just wanted to say thanks for trying to keep us out of trouble. The only reason we took advantage of you is because you had no idea what you were doing."

Lio spoke up, "From now on, we'll be good and do exactly what you say."

Nudge raised an eyebrow at her, "Lio, don't get crazy. We'll try to do better."

Lio gave me a sad look, "You can cover up my bunnies if you want."

I gave them a small smile, "That's alright; your bunnies are starting to grow on me."

Lio grinned at me, "We really love you."

"Well, girls, I love you too. But next time you pull that stuff on me… I'll still love you."

They rushed over to hug me as Michelle made a happy noise. Dylan decided to walk in at this moment, "Aw. Okay, now either you girls go to bed for real, or I'm taking everything out of your room and turning it into a twenty four hour minimart."

They rushed out, leaving Dylan and I alone. "Hi," he muttered.

"Hi."

"Want a slice of pizza?"

"No. Me and the little leech are going to try and get some sleep."

Iggy walked into the room, carrying something in his hand, "I couldn't find Michelle's teething ring, so I got the next best thing: An ice cold carrot." Dylan and I looked at him, "What? I could've brought the fish sticks, but you would've thought I was an idiot."

Dylan ignored him, coming to sit next to me as Iggy sat on the other side holding Michelle, "Look, Fang, I want you to know that was really nice of you to take the rap for Nudge and Artiglio. And I'm real sorry I got so crazy before, walking around you going well, well, well."

I smirked, "It's cool, cool, cool."

"The girls just mean so much to me. Especially now, you know, since Pam's gone."

"I know what you say, man. I worry about them, too. They're my sisters." I stood up, "But I don't know nothing about this kid stuff."

I began to pace as Dylan got up. I knew he was about to make some big speech.

"Yeah, I know, but both you guys, you've got to remember: Don't be afraid to say no. Kids need limits."

Okay, so not so big of a speech. "How am I supposed to know? I've been here twelve hours and you expect me to be Robert Young."

Iggy looked up, "Now, wait, I'm confused. Robert Young from Father Knows Best or Robert Young, Dr Welby?"

Dylan sighed, turning to me, "This is gonna take some time, but we can make this work if we want it to work. Fang, you do want this to work, don't you?"

"Well, at first I wasn't sure, but when I saw that kid telling me I could cover her bunnies up and I was looking at that little baby counting on me to stop the pain. I don't know man, I got all warm and tingly and… somebody stop me."

Iggy smiled, "You know, I'm just happy to be here. I was an only child. All I had was imaginary brothers and sisters. It feels great to be in a real house with real people. Right, Leon?"

Dylan shook his head, "Give me my kid. Okay, Michelle. It's time to go to bed. Yeah. _Lullaby and goodnight and the rest I'm not sure of- _"

Iggy and I shared one look, **"Conga!"**

Dylan led the way, Iggy behind him. I was about to follow before I got a grin and turned back to the room, "What the hell? You coming, Leon?"

**A/N: I stayed up past the time I was supposed to be in bed to update this when I'm not sure if anyone is really even reading this or not. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	3. S01 E03 The First Day Of School

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

**A/N: If I didn't put the 'Deleted scene look up' in last episode, it was Joey and Jesse dress Michelle**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Three:_

_The First Day of School_

(Nudge's POV)

Lupo sat beside me on my bed, our magazines spread all over. Artiglio was doing something in the closet while we talked, "Lupo, you have to be in class early tomorrow, to get the seats in the back row."

"Okay," She said, pulling her long dirty blond hair up in a ponytail before organizing the magazines a bit more. Her golden eyes turned to me, "Why?"

I sighed, looking at the girl who was much older than me, "Because it's the best way to pass notes."

She laughed, "I love the way your mind works."

Artiglio pulled out a bunch of her close, carrying them over to her bed. Lupo and I watched as she did so. She looked down at herself in her blue shorts and blue sweater, "This outfit is all wrong. Tomorrow is the first day of third grade and I have nothing to wear."

I gestured to what she had just piled atop her quilt, "Your bed is full of clothes."

She huffed, "Yeah, but they're not 'me'. Well, they're me, but they're second grade me."

Lupo rolled her eyes, ignoring my sister, before she turned to me, "I'll sit anywhere you want, as long as it's not near Arthur Wilcox."

I gasped, knowing what she meant, "Arthur Wilcox! Ew!"

Lio walked over to us, "Who's Arthur Wilcox?"

I sighed, "Lio, please, Lupo and I are talking about school."

She threw her arms up into the air, "So am I! What if I walk into wearing a goofy outfit and everyone say: Artiglio Venom! Ew!"

I shook my head, "Would you stop worrying, third grade is so easy. The only thing you have to know is the pledge of allegiance."

She scrunched up her nose, "The what?"

Lupo and I looked at each other before standing and reciting the pledge of allegiance quickly, all the word molding together. We plopped back down on my bed, looking at Artiglio expectantly.

She took a deep breath, "I'm dead meat."

Fang walked into the room, Michelle hanging from his arm, "Lupo, your dad's down stairs."

Iggy walked in after him, "Said you were supposed to be home a half hour ago."

Lupo leaned back, closing her eyes, "That's the third time today. She's gonna kill me."

I stopped her as she stood up, "Just set your watch back thirty minutes."

She grinned before leaving, "I love the way your mind works."

Lio walked over to Fang once Lupo left, "Fang, how do you think I look?"

She was wearing an oversized tan vest. Fang didn't even think before speaking, "Like a bag lady."

That's when I noticed Michelle was covered in some type of meat sauce, "What happened to her?"

Fang chuckled, "Well, Michelle tried to eat her dinner by pushing it through her face."

Iggy winced and nodded, "Yeah, we better give her a bath."

Fang sighed, "Yeah, that's a good idea. Do we know how?"

Iggy shrugged, "Sure, it's just like giving a puppy a bath. Only, there's a little less tail to clean."

"Right."

**(Scene I shall not put in- see if you can find it on YouTube- Joey and Jesse giving Michelle a bath)**

(Artiglio's POV)

The whole world was dark as I turned on the large flashlight, pointing it at Nudge's face. "Nudge, are you asleep?"

She squinted her eyes, "I can't tell, I think I'm blind."

I lifted the hanger in my hand, "Will you look at one more outfit?"

She clicked on her lamp, "Lio, I've seen your entire wardrobe twice."

"Okay," I threw the clothes onto her bed, "You want to hear the pledge?" I placed my hand over my heart, "I pledge allegiance to the flag of some states of America." Nudge climbed out of her bed and picked me up, carrying me to my bed.

She sighed, pulling up the covers, "I'm going to tuck you in. Very tight."

"And to the public, which understands. With God and liberty. I'm dead meat."

(Iggy's POV)

I sat in the bubbly water in my swimsuit, watching as Fang took Michelle from my hands. He was sitting on the side of the bathtub, his pants legs pulled up as his feet sat in the warm water.

"Okay, she's clean," he stated, making sure she was comfortable in the towel he just wrapped her in. "You could eat off this baby."

I smiled at him, "Hey, Fang, thanks for helping me out with the baby."

He sighed, "No problem. I've got a date tonight with a dancer, but not till midnight."

My shoulders sunk forward, "Another exotic dancer?"

"For your information, Iggy, I happen to be dating a ballerina." I gave him a look. "Okay, she's a topless ballerina."

I got up, sitting on the edge of the bathtub with him. He smiled at me, "Good luck tonight, pal."

I chuckled, thinking about my gig at the Laugh Box, "Yeah, tonight, nine thirty. This could be the big break I've been waiting for, Fang. I've been at this comedy stuff since I was four years old and did my first impression. Ever since then, all I've wanted to do was make people happy. Is this making any sense to you?"

He nodded, "Oh, yeah, I know what you're saying. See, you're talking about that magical moment when you know what you want to do with your life. It happened to me when I was six. I turned the TV on and there was Elvis Presley in King Creole. Naturally, he played a two fisted, fun loving, girl chasing, singing busboy."

"They stole that Oscar from him."

"Robbed him blind. Anyway, Elvis made me feel that music was something special, you know? I gotta be honest with you, when he started singing Hard Headed Woman, forget about it. I was touched. I mean, it was like-" He stood up, singing the Elvis song.

I stood up, also, "Fang, sing another song. Would you? Please? For Michelle."

He looked down at the kid in his arms and then raised an eyebrow at me, more than likely questioning something. I grinned real big, gesturing for him to sing. He shrugged off whatever question he was going to ask and started singing a different song.

Then Dylan walked in. Seeing us. Standing in a bathtub (not a very big one, either). With Fang singing. "Oh, my god."

Fang stepped out of the bathtub quickly. "We were just giving the kid a bath!"

"I don't need to know any more than that, do I? It's obvious I really am intruding. I'm gonna go put Michelle in her crib and I'm gonna go check on the other girls and just leave you two sailors to your suds and your singing."

With that, he walked out of the room, leaving a glaring Fang with me.

(Dylan's POV)

I opened the door to Nudge and Artiglio's room, smiling at their forms in the darkness before closing the door. Or, almost closing the door.

"Hi, Dylan," Lio called, lying in her bed.

"Hi, Dylan," Nudge repeated, not as upbeat or anywhere close to it.

I turned the light on, "Why is everybody awake?"

They sat up and Nudge climbed out of bed, "I'll show you." She walked over to Lio, uncovering her to show that she was fully dressed in a dress and holding her lunchbox.

Artiglio stood up on her bed, the poufs of her dress sticking out, "I'm ready for school!"

"Honey," I said, "You're ready for the prom."

Lio glared at Nudge, "You said this would be good."

"Hey, if you can't have fun with your little sister, what's the point of having one?"

The next morning, I stood in the kitchen/dining room, fixing the girls lunches. Fang came sliding down the stairs just as Iggy walked in from the living room. "Morning, Boys."

Iggy yawned, "Good morning, Pa, Hoss."

Fang nodded his head, "Little Joe."

I laughed, turning to Iggy, "How'd it go last night?"

"Oh, I started out great, but right in the middle-"

"No, no. I meant in the bathtub with Hoss."

Fang pointed at me, "Look, I finished Love Me Tender, we did a short medley from Viva Las Vegas, and I got the hell out of the tub."

Nudge and Artiglio came walking down the stairs, one following the other. "Dylan, we're all ready."

"Girls, I don't want to brag, but Chef Boyar-Dylan has made some amazing lunches for an amazing first day of school. And, you know what, Lio, for you I got a brand new lunchbox!"

"The Jetsons!" Iggy took the lunchbox, doing an impression before passing it to Lio. "'Hi, I'm home. Hi, Jane. Hi, Elroy. Hi, Astro.' 'Hi, George. How was your day at work?'"

"And Nudge, for you, I got-"

"Save it, everyone is buying their lunch now." She held out her hand expectantly.

"Sell it to a first grader, then."

She rolled her eyes, leading Artiglio out of the kitchen. "Wait, girls. Artiglio, are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Nudge put a hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry, Dylan, I'll make sure she's okay."

"Yeah," Artiglio didn't sound excited, "It'll be fun."

"You girls are really growing up. Artiglio's starting third grade. Wait here, I'm gonna get my video camera. Don't move."

I walked out into the living room, picking up my video camera and turning it on, "Okay, just come in when I tell you to. When I say action. Okay, give me love. Action."

They walked in just as Iggy and Fang started singing as they walked behind them.

_Is this the little girl I carried?_

_Is this the little girl at play?_

_I don't remember growing older_

_When did they?_

_Sunrise!_

_Sunset!_

_Sunrise!_

_Sunset!_

_Swiftly, flow the years_

_One season following another_

_Laden with happiness and tears_

We finished, just as the front door closed. I looked at Fang, "Your little sister is going to a bigger school."

Then the front door slammed open, Artiglio standing there, "I changed my mind. I'm not going."

I gaped at her, "What do you mean you're not going to school?"

She looked down at her feet, "I don't feel good. Maybe I'll go next year."

Fang smirked, "You don't look sick."

She let out a fake cough, "There, is that better?"

Iggy knelt down next to her, "Well, the face is almost there, give it kind of a hacking sound, though." He let out a surprisingly real sounding fake cough.

She tried to copy, failing miserably. Nudge walked in through the open door, "Come on, you're gonna miss the bus."

Iggy looked at her and coughed. Her eyes went wide, "Are you okay?"

Lio's shoulders went forward, "At least you're tricking people."

I sighed, "Nudge, you go on ahead. Lio's a little nervous about her first day. I'll make sure she gets there."

"Kay, Lio, see you there."

Lio stood up and went walking over to the couch, "Wait a minute, where you going?"

She sat down, looking up at me. I sighed, "Sweetheart, don't you want to go to school and be smart?"

She shrugged, "I'll stay home and watch public television."

Fang looked at her, "Come on, spill your guts. Why don't you want to go to school?"

She sighed, "Because I don't know anybody. I'll be all alone. It'll be scary. I won't know anybody and I won't have any friends."

We all nodded, looking at each other. Fang stroked her hair as I talked, "You're gonna make friends, I promise. You and I, we're gonna go down there together and I'm not going to leave until everything's alright."

Iggy leaned over the couch, "Yeah, you're just nervous because it's your first day."

Fang nodded, "Yeah, see, first times can be scary, but they can be exciting, too."

I cut him off, "I don't need you to go where you're going with this."

**Another Scene: Danny bringing Stephanie to kindergarten**

(Artiglio's POV)

I sat in the classroom early in the morning, watching all the kids playing around me. Dylan had gone off to change Michelle and said he would be right back, but he wasn't returning fast enough.

Then I heard a familiar voice, "Hey, sis, what's shaking?"

I turned around in my seat as he sat down next to me, "Fang, what are you doing here?"

He shrugged, "I was on my way to work, and since I happen to be a part time exterminator, I thought I'd stop by and make sure there are no pests, bugs, or varmints in your classroom. Other than these rugrats.

"Look," he said, holding up a Play-Dough figure that resembled nothing, "I made this for you."

"What is it?"

"It's either a dog with no head, or an ashtray."

"Dog with no head. Will you stay here and never leave?"

"What's the matter, no pals yet?"

I shook my head.

"I don't know why. You look pretty. You smell okay. Alright, you stay here and get ready to learn some new names."

He stood up, walking over to the milk that had a sign 'milk 20 cents'. "Attention all munchkins! Free milks all around, compliments of the coolest kid in class, Artiglio Venom."

The kids rushed at him, taking their milk before going back to what they were doing. "Great," I said, "Now I have no friends and no milk."

"Can't believe that milk scam didn't work. Alright, we'll go to my specialty, personal charm."

Before he could move, the teacher walked over, "What's going on here?"

"Nothing, I'm just trying to help the kids become friends, that's all."

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm, uh… this pretty little girl's father. Right, Lio?"

I shrugged, "Uh, okay."

She looked at my exterminators sign on my coveralls, "Look, as long as you're here, would you come with me to the supply room and kill something with eight legs?"

He looked down at me, "I'll be right back. This happens to me all the time. Everyone loves the exterminator."

Just as I sat back down at the table, Iggy walked into the classroom. "Hey, Artiglio!"

"Hi."

"Wow, this place is great. You've got toys and blocks and spin the tail on the donkey. Sure wish I lived here."

"Here, take my place."

"Whoa. Okay, there is only one sure-fire way to make friends this early in the morning. Its duck, duck, goose time."

He hoped up calling all the students into a circle and getting them ready. Then the teacher returned with Fang. "Who are you?"

"Uh…" He thought, "I'm this lovely little girl's father."

She looked down at me, "Uh, okay!"

She looked back up at Iggy with wide eyes. Then Dylan walked in. "What are you guys doing here?"

The teacher huffed, "And who are you?"

"I'm this little girl's legal guardian."

I nodded, actually being able to tell the truth. The teacher looked between the three men, her eyes wide. Fang shrugged, "What? Elizabeth Taylor's daughter had seven fathers."

Iggy looked past Dylan and out the window, "Whoa, Dylan, more good news. Nudge is going over the wall."

Dylan looked at all of us, "Yeah, this parenting stuff is a piece of cake. Stay right here."

I smiled real big, "Okay Dylan… And daddy." I passed Iggy then Fang, "And daddy."

(Nudge's POV)

"Freeze," I heard Dylan's voice just as I was about to make it over the wall, "What is this? I don't want to jump to conclusions, but it appears that we have my sister in law ditching school. Throwing away her future, basically becoming a juvenile delinquent. "

I hopped down from the fence, turning around to look at him. "In a nutshell, yes."

"Would you mind if I asked you a question before you knock off a seven-eleven? Why are you dropping out of school?"

"Because they put me in the smart class."

His eyes got wide, "The advanced class? Nudge, that's wonderful."

**(I'm taking over the conversation to fit my storyline I've set up concerning Lupo)**

"No, it's not. They split me and Lupo up. She's smarter than me by millions, Dylan. She should be in the advanced class. But, of course, that's never going to happen." I felt my eyes sting with tears.

"Nudge," he said, resting a hand on my shoulder, "Lupo has anxiety problems to the extreme. The fact you seem to be able to help her through her years is the best that you can do right now."

"But she's smart; she just can't show it in tests or on paper. She even starts talking about it and her mind goes blank."

He gave me a sad smile, "And that's how it's going to be, honey. You've helped her so much. Without you, she'd still be stuck in the sixth grade. That's a big deal, Nudge."

"But, Dylan, what if I end up skipping a grade? She'll have no one to help her!"

"They don't force you to skip grades; they ask you if they think you're ready. If the chance comes up and you really don't want to, just tell them you don't want to. Besides, if this is all about being to help Lupo, she lives next door. It's not like you're never going to see her again."

"Bye!" Artiglio's voice sounded from inside the building before she walked out and started to walk past us. "Bye, Dylan!"

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Home," she stated simply.

Dylan sighed, "You're not going anywhere. Nobody's going anyplace unless it's back into those two rooms."

Fang and Iggy jogged out of the building, "There she is."

Dylan held up his hand, "I got this. What you two need to understand-"

"Dylan," I interrupted him.

"Yes?"

"Let me talk to my sister alone, okay."

He nodded, leaving me with Artiglio as he stood off to the side. "Lio, what's wrong?"

She sighed, "No friends. All mine moved over the summer."

"You can't expect to make friends the first day. When I started in this school, I didn't know anyone, either."

"What about Lupo?"

"Lupo was still in sixth grade. I didn't meet Lupo until then, but I can still tell you that story."

"Okay."

"We were just in the same class; I didn't talk to Lupo for six months."

"Because she's dumb on paper?"

"She's not dumb on paper, she just can't think on paper. That's why we're not in the same class anymore. I just got stuck in a room full of omelet-heads where I don't know one person. It's pretty scary."

"Real scary."

"But, Lio, you can run away every time you're scared. If you don't try new things, you'll never know what you're missing out on. Anyways, making new friends takes time. But you've got one really good friend at school already."

"Who?"

"Me," I took her hand in mine. "And I'm right down the hall, room seven. You can't miss me; I'm the only omelet-head with a silver streak in her hair."

"Thanks," She reached over, giving me a hug which I returned just as the bell rang.

"I'll go back to my class if you go back to yours, okay?"

She nodded, "Okay."

(Fang's POV)

My little sister came walking back in the room, going over to the circle the class was sitting in now. Iggy, Dylan, and I sat on the side of the classroom. We got up to leave, just as Artiglio gave us a grin and a big thumbs up before joining her class in the itsy-bitsy spider.

**A/N: I better get a review. I've been dedicating myself to this fanfic lately. And you don't know how difficult it is to type a whole EPISODE out.**


	4. S01 E04 The Return Of Grandma

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Four:_

_The Return of Grandma_

(Nudge's POV)

Iggy walked into the room, pots full of cereal in his arms. "Cereal, cartoons, pajamas? This is why God created Saturday."

I smiled, "Let's watch MTV."

Artiglio shook her head, "Let's watch Bugs Bunny."

Iggy looked at her, "But, Lio, Bugs Bunny is kids stuff. We gotta watch Yogi Bear."

"But I like Bugs Bunny."

"Yeah, but Lio, every episode is the same. Elmer Fudd says 'Why, you pesky rabbit'. Then he takes a shot at Bugs. Then Yosemite Sam comes in 'I hates that rabbit'. And he takes a shot at Bugs. I mean, with all that shooting going on, I don't even know why Bugs pops his head out of that hole. Let's face it: The rabbit has a death wish."

Lio got a look on her face, "Better than watching Yogi steal the same picnic basket. Boring."

"Morning, Kids," Dylan called as he came down the stairs.

"Hey, Dylan," we all called up to him as he walked behind us.

"I don't really see you eating cereal out of pots with wooden implements, do I?"

I nodded, "Yes, you do."

"Great. After breakfast, why don't we just take this laundry to the bay and beat it against some rocks? Iggy, can you come with me, right now, to the kitchen please?"

He pointed at the TV with his spoon, "Now? I'll miss the start of Yogi!"

Dylan leaned down, over the back of the couch, "It's not Agatha Christie, you'll catch up."

As Iggy followed Dylan, he turned around, "Girls, take accurate notes."

(Iggy's POV)

I followed Dylan into the kitchen that was covered in dirty dishes, most of which were piled high in the open dish washer.

"Whoa!" Dylan called, "Its Howdy Dirty Time." I giggled and he gave me a look. "Iggy, the deal we made was, this is your week to take care of the dishes."

I nodded, "I'm just waiting until the dish washers full." He raised his eyebrows. I reached out and grabbed a spoon sitting on the counter, tossing it into the dish washer. "There, now we won't be wasting water."

"Of course we won't. There's no room for water."

He glared at me as we heard Fang coming upstairs from the garage, "Boy, what a night."

Dylan walked over to him while he put his different assortments on the table, "Fang, what's going on here? You told me you were going to do the laundry."

"I did. I did mine."

"What about everybody else's laundry?"

"Looks to me like they haven't touched it, the lazy bums." He laughed before changing the subject, "Let me tell you this story. Last night, my band's playing this jig in Chinatown. A 'Sweet and Sour Sweet Sixteen Party', if you will. Anyway, I'm cruising home on my Harley, I come to a red light, I stop."

"Great story," Dylan said, looking back at me.

"Oh, yeah. And you told it great."

Fang rolled his eyes, "Anyway, the light turns green, I try to move, but I can't. There's something wedge underneath my tire. Just then, this runaway street cleaner comes barreling through the intersection right where I would've been.

"I came this close to being a really clean dead guy. Fellahs, I'd like to introduce to you the little dude that saved my life." He reached into the bag he had carried up with him, pulling out a tortuous and putting it nose to nose with Dylan, "Bubba!"

My eyes widened as Fang grinned when he stated one more thing, "I love this amphibian."

Dylan shook his head, "You just hate coming home alone, don't you?"

Fang rolled his eyes again, "I gotta get my guitar. Hold Bubba. Keep him happy. It just may save your life."

With that, he jogged back down to the garage.

Nudge's voice came from the living room, "Iggy, where are you!"

Dylan's eyes got wide and he turned to me, "Don't let the girls see him, their gonna want to keep him."

"Hide him," I said, yanking the turtle out of his arms and placing him on the counter, putting a pot over him just as Artiglio and Nudge came into the kitchen.

"Iggy," Nudge started, "Yogi may be smarter than the average bear, but he's dumber than the average three year old."

Then the pot moved, making Artiglio shoot around in a circle and stare wide-eyed at it. "What's that?"

"That?" Dylan asked, "That's dinner. Its roast beef. Yeah, roast beef."

It moved a bit more, making Nudge ask, "Where is our roast beef going?"

I scratched my head, "It's going to the… uh… Oven!"

The pot started to move again and Nudge lifted it up just as Fang came up the stairs. "Roast beef comes from turtle?" Lio gasped.

Fang's eyes went wide and he rushed over to pick up Bubba. "Not my turtle, it doesn't. I love this amphibian."

Lio grinned, "I love him, too! Can we keep him?"

Fang smiled down at her, "Course we can keep him, Bubba's a hero."

Nudge put a hand on the tortuous' shell, "Fang, we'll take care of him for you."

"Alright."

Dylan leaned over, "Are you sure, honey. That's a big responsibility."

"No problem. Let's go get him settled," Nudge took Bubba and walked out of the kitchen, leading Lio behind her.

Just as she left, Lio started to speak. "What a great day. We get a turtle, and momma Tanner's coming to visit."

Dylan's eyes went wide and he reached out to grab the back of her shirt as she tried to leave. "Did you just say my mom's coming?"

"That's what she said on the phone."

"Well, why didn't you say something?"

"Nobody asked me."

"Lio, it's not possible for me to ask you every question. Do you know how many questions there are in the world?"

"Eight."

"What time is my mom coming, honey?"

I walked up behind him, putting a hand on his back, "Her plane gets in at five twelve, sweetie."

Dylan sent Artiglio off to catch up with Nudge and Fang, walking with me over to the dish washer, "Iggy, how did you know about my mother?"

"I answered the phone when she called."

"Why didn't you say something!"

"Nobody asked me."

Fang came walking down the stairs, "I found a home for Bubba. It's calm, cool, and comfortable. Nobody flush." He walked over to his bag, pulling out a fly swatter and a bag of lettuce, "I'll shred him lunch, and swat him dessert."

"Fang, forget about the turtle, my mom's on her way."

"Your mom's coming back? She just moved out of here."

"She's coming back to check up on me. She doesn't think I can handle things."

"What? The place looks great."

"You don't understand, all my life, someone's taken care of me. First it was my mom, then I got married and it was Pam. For the first time, I want to prove to my mom and myself that I can take care of my family on my own. That's why I desperately need your help."

Fang and I looked at each other, "What do you want us to do?"

"Fang, take a shot at the laundry. Iggy, see if you can wedge some detergent into the dishwasher. I'm gonna mop the floor."

Fang and I moved to where we needed to go, only to find out we were out of supplies. Dylan sighed, "Let's go shopping."

'**Deleted' Scene: Full House getting ready to go to the store (I'm sorry if you can't find any of these on YouTube, but they are usually too much action of are played over with music so that I can't really type them out in a story fashion)**

(Dylan's POV)

Nudge handed me a shopping bag and I passed it to Iggy who passed it to Fang who sat it on the table. Then Artiglio handed Michelle to Nudge, who followed the actions we did with the shopping bags, ending with Fang looking at her incredulously, "Don't we already have one of these?"

Nudge grinned, walking up the steps from the garage and taking Michelle, "I'll put her in her playpen."

Artiglio followed her, dragging the gigantic stuffed panda that she convinced us to bring to the store with us behind her. "I hate this thing."

I walked up, putting my hands on my hips and looking at Fang and Iggy. "Only five hours until my mom shows up. Now, here's the plan: I'll do the kitchen. Iggy, you do the living room. Fang, do the bedrooms. Now, who's going to do the toilets?"

Iggy and Fang looked at each other before calling into the living room, "Oh, girls."

We walked into the living room, seeing Lio trying to get Bubba to move using a carrot while Nudge held Michelle in place atop his shell. Iggy grinned, "Can I go next?"

Fang smiled, "Look at Bubba, have you ever seen a turtle that good with kids?"

I sighed, "Nudge, go put miss junior rider in her crib. Fang, find a coral for trigger. Iggy, I'm all out of cowboy metaphors, so let's put away the grub. I was wrong, I had one left."

Iggy frowned, "We've been shopping all morning, why not a Yogi break?"

Fang nodded, "Sit down with your family here. Relax, watch the bear."

"Alright, but we're just going to watch until Yogi steals a picnic basket." I barely sat down on the couch before trying to stand back up again. Iggy grabbed the back of my shirt, plopping me back down in my seat.

Then the front door slammed open, my mother walking in. "Hi!" Her grin disappeared as she looked around the trashed living room.

"Mom!" "Momma Tanner!" The girls yelled, running over to her and giving her a big hug.

Iggy, Fang, and I all stood.

"Oh my god."

She walked over to the playpen and looked down at Bubba, "My granddaughter is a turtle!"

Iggy picked up Bubba, "Michelle needs your love now more than ever."

Fang rolled his eyes, "Give me that. This turtle saved my life. Bubba, Claire. Claire, Bubba. I love this amphibian."

Lio grinned, "Isn't he cool?"

Nudge nodded, "Pet his head, he really likes that."

My mother shook her head, "He's a reptile!"

Fang's gaze turned harsh, "Hey, back off. He's been nothing but nice to you."

"Mom, what are you doing here so early? Iggy said you'd be in by 5:12."

"Try twelve o' five."

We all looked at Iggy, "I guess you had to find out sooner or later. My name is Iggy, and I'm a time dyslexic. I would have told you earlier, I'm just not sure when earlier is."

My mother just sighed and turned to Nudge and Artiglio, "Girls, will you just go upstairs and clean your room."

Artiglio's eyes widened, "How did she know our room is a mess?"

Nudge shook her head while watching her sister, "Mom vision."

Fang handed Bubba to Nudge before they left up the stairs.

"Mom, don't worry, we're on the verge of a major clean up. Aren't we boys?"

Fang shrugged, "Well, we were, but now what's the point? No one cleans a house like your ma. Right, Igster?"

"You're great, Mrs. Tanner."

"So why don't we just get out of your way and Clair, go nuts."

"Absolutely, we'll catch a movie or something. And, Mrs. Tanner, if you happen to finish up before we get back, I'd just like to leave you with these two words: Lamb Chops."

They closed the front door behind them, leaving my mother to turn to me. "Don't listen to him, mom. You can cook anything you want."

(Fang's POV)

Iggy led the way back into the house, shouting out, "Honey, we're home!"  
>Dylan came out from the kitchen, "Boys, we've got some trouble."<p>

I nodded, "I'd say we do. Look at this place. It's a pigsty. I think your ma's lost her touch."

Dylan shook his head, "She doesn't want to clean up our mess. She wants us to do it."

Iggy's eyes went wide, "She wants us to do it?"

I looked back at Dylan, "What's the matter? Can't you handle your ma? You wimp. You're totally mom-whipped."

"Oh, I suppose you'd handle your mom differently?"

"I play my mom like a piano."

Clair came walking into the room, spotting Iggy and I, "Well, I'm glad you're back. Come on in!"

She gestured to the two people walking behind her. Standing there was Nancy Venom, my mother in all her black haired, 'I was a young mother' glory. And behind her was Iggy's mother, Stephanie Griffiths with her ash blond hair put up in a bun.

My jaw dropped, "Your mom called our moms?"

"Hello, Fang," My mother crossed her arms, a stern look crossing her face.

Steph just grinned, "Hi, Iggy!"

"Hi, mom."

Clair nodded, "I thought Nancy and Steph would be very interested in how you kept your house."

Dylan turned to me, "Okay, piano man. Why don't you show the wimp how to tickle those ivories?"

I took a deep breath, stepping forward, "Ma."

My mother took a step towards me, "Fang."

"Can I make you some tea?"

I heard soft clapping behind me followed by Dylan's voice, "Bravo, bravo."

"No tea, thank you. Tuck in your shirt."

"Ma!"

She got an evil look on her face and glanced around at everyone before turning back to me, "I remember when you were eight years old."

"Ma, please-"

"I'll never forget it. My little Fang tugged on my apron and asked 'Mommy, can I please help you iron?' I said 'sure, finish the sleeve'. It must've been like when Babe Ruth picked up his first bat. To this day, he's the only one I trust with my chiffon blouses."

They all laughed as I glared at the floorboards. Iggy got a serious look on his face, "To iron or wear?"

"Hey, man," I got louder as I glared up at him, "To iron."

"Enough of this talking," Clair interrupted. "You boys have a lot of work to do. So, where's the vacuum cleaner?"

"Vacuum cleaner?" Iggy asked, look at his mother with a smile, "We'll handle this."

Iggy looked over at a pair of roller-skates, getting down and putting his hands in them while his mom lifted his feet. He made a noise sounding very close to what a vacuum sounder like while his mother pushed him back and forth.

Clair cleared her throat, "Steph?"

She dropped her son's feet, letting him get up off the floor, "Oh, right. Now, Iggy. There's a time to have fun and a time to get serious."

Clair sighed, "Listen, girls, I think one of us should be here at all times to see that things go properly. After all, this is where our grandchild and children live," she turned to my mother.

My mom shrugged, deciding to go with the flow, "You are so right. I can be here Monday through Wednesday."

Steph nodded, "I'm free Thursday to Friday."

"That's wonderful; I can fly in on the weekends."

Dylan looked between Iggy and I, "Boys, we're staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell."

"Hey!"

"No offence."

Iggy sighed, "Moms, I don't blame you for treating us like children. Because sometimes that's how we act."

I nodded, "Listen, when we moved in here, we know we had some responsibilities to do but we haven't really followed through. From now on, we're really gonna buckle down."

Dylan's shoulders straightened, "Mothers, I have a proposition for you. You all go shopping for a few hours. And if this place isn't clean by the time you get back, you can all move in here and just run our lives forever. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Dylan led Iggy and I up the stairs, our arms full of cleaning supplies. He peered into the bathroom before turning to us, "Okay, there's the bathroom."

I nodded, "Yep, there's the bathroom."

Iggy breathed in deeply, "The same place it was last time we didn't clean it."

Dylan peered in again before turning back to us, "Here's a thought: why don't we see if the girls have finished cleaning their room?"

We sat down the cleaning supplies in the hallway before Dylan opened Nudge and Artiglio's bedroom door. Everything was in worse shape than it was before.

Dylan's eyes widened, "What happened?"

Iggy looked at us, "There's been a bedroom tornado."

Artiglio had a sad look on her face, "We lost something."

Dylan walked farther into the room, "Might that be your minds?"

Nudge looked at her feet, "We lost… fjkfhrk."

I raised my eyebrows, "What exactly is 'fjkfhrk'?"

Artiglio sighed, "Fjkfhrk is what you say when you don't want to say… Bubba."

Iggy grabbed my shoulders as my voice got loud, "You lost Bubba?"

Iggy tightened his hold, "He loves that amphibian."

Nudge frowned, "We're really sorry. We turned out back for one minute and he was gone."

Dylan nodded at them, "It's okay girls. I'm sure Bubba is somewhere in the house."

I huffed, "Okay, we're going to turn this house upside down until we find that turtle. Okay? Go!"

It was way later. I had checked every room, gone through every piece of furniture, and sill no amphibian that saved my life. Everything in the house was in worse shape than it had started and now we were all sitting in the living room dejectedly.

Lio looked at us, "No Bubba?"

Dylan shook his head, "No Bubba."

We sat in silence for a few second before Nudge broke it, "Fang, me and Lio will buy you another turtle."

Lio nodded, "You can have all my money. Two dollars and fifty eight cents."

The front door opened and our mothers walked in to see the house a complete wreck. My mother's eyes widened to the size of tennis balls, "My advice is don't clean anymore, just move."

Danny looked at them, "We'll be right with you. We're having a little family problem."

Lio looked at me, "We'll look for Bubba for the rest of our lives."

I gave her a sad smile, "It's alright. Bubba's work here was done. I'm sure he's out in the world saving other lives."

Nudge looked at me with disbelief, "You mean you're really not mad at us?"

Iggy spoke from behind me, "You don't think we'd get mad over a stinky turtle?"

I turned to look at him, "If you had four armpits and were an inch off the ground, how would you smell?"

Dylan rolled his eyes at us before looking at the girls, "I know you feel bad. But that's because you love Fang and you feel like you let him down. I know that losing Bubba was an accident. You've gotta understand we're right behind you no matter what you do."

Iggy nodded, "And if you ever have a problem, we'll be there for you."

I agreed, "That's right. And if we have a problem, you'll be there for us too, right?" They nodded. "Alright. Come here you little munchkins. Give us a hug!"

After the girls were finished hugging each of us, we turned to our mothers. Mine put a hand over her heart, "That is so sweet."

I stood up, "Alright, enough of this warmth junk."

Clair smiled, "We're gonna have a great time living here, right, gals?"

Steph nodded excitedly while my mother kinda shrugged. Her schedule, along with my fathers, was the reason Artiglio had to live her with Dylan in the first place. Now Clair was just sucking her back in and making it more complicated.

Dylan stood up, "Just a minute, ladies. We would like another shot at this."

Iggy nodded, standing up beside me, "Why don't you take the girls out to the zoo for three hours."

Artiglio grinned real big, "yeah!"

I smirked, "We got some work to do."

Clair nodded, "Alright, deal."

"Deal."

The house was pretty much spotless and my radio was blaring as I dusted and danced and sang around the living room.** You have to scour YouTube to find this, I love this scene.**

_I feel good_

_I knew that I would now_

Dylan jumped in from the kitchen, joining me.

_I feel good_

_I knew that I would now_

_So good_

_So good_

_I got you_

Iggy popped up from behind the couch with the hand vacuum cleaner.

_I feel nice_

_Like sugar and spice_

_I feel nice_

_Like sugar and spice_

_So nice_

_So nice_

_I got you_

_Watch me walk_

_Watch me walk_

We all jumped as the song ended and I turned off my radio. Dylan grinned, "Okay, guys. We made it with five seconds to spare. Come on." We all lined up, side by side in front of the door. "Five, four, three, two-"

Clair came through the door, "We completely lost track of time. It's immaculate."

Artiglio hugged her stuffed tiger closer, "Mom, does this mean hell is freezing over?"

Dylan smiled, "Go on, find a speck of dirt, a microbe of filth. I double dare you."

The mothers nodded and began their inspection. Nudge and Artiglio shrugged and started to put all their stuff down on the steps when Dylan stopped them, "That's not where those go. You take all these goodies upstairs and put them in your toybox."

Nudge threw her hands in the air, "Whoa!"

They left to go upstairs while Iggy ran over to where the mothers were about to enter the kitchen, "You're about to enter a sterile environment." He scanned them over with the hand vacuum cleaner like a metal detector as each entered.

I walked through, pushing the vacuum out of my way, "Don't even think about it!" My mother was standing over by the laundry, "Ma, what about those crease?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "Fang, you still have your touch.

Dylan was standing by his mother in front of the fridge, "Perfect, just perfect."

Iggy stood behind his own mother as she inspected a plate, "Look, Mom, you could eat off these dishes."

Clair smiled, "Congratulations. I'm very proud of all of you."

The back door opened and a cleaner walked in, "Sorry. Bank's closed. Can you pay me in cash?"

Iggy's eyes widen and he raced to the girl, putting his arm around her, "Mom, I'd like you to meet my fiancée, Jennifer."

Steph raised her eyebrows, "Are you gonna give me a grandchild?"

The woman shook her head, holding up the check, "Not for this kind of money."

Dylan pulled out some cash, "Here you go, Mrs. Sianski. Thanks for everything, see you next weekend." She left and Dylan turned back to our mothers, "Okay, so we had a little help."

I shrugged, "Just with the hard stuff. And the toilets."

Iggy nodded, "But we make a great team."

Dylan smiled, "From now on, things are going to go a lot smoother around here."

Clair grinned, "I'm sure they will. Does that mean you won't need us anymore?"

Iggy looked at us, "Their good."

I gave a soft smile, "Of course we still need you. You girls come by and visit any time."

Clair nodded, "I have to admit, I was a little worried about how you boys were managing the girls. You may be a little sloppy, but those girls are getting a lot of love."

Dylan hugged his mother, "Thanks, mom."

Nudge came down the stairs, "Aw, this is nice. I wish Bubba was here to share this."

Through the backdoor which was still open, the large tortuous came rolling in on a skateboard. Artiglio walked in after him, throwing her hands in the air, "I found him! I love that amphibian."


	5. S01 E05 Sea Cruise

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Five:_

_Sea Cruise_

(Fang's POV)

I sat in the living room with my big black bass guitar, trying to figure out lyrics to a song while strumming, "_She's driving._ She's driving, okay. _She's driving down… she's driving…she's drive…_ Maybe she's walking."

Iggy walked in from the kitchen, "Fang, you've got to see this."

"Not now, I'm working on this tune about this outrageous Italian goddess who drives a Lamborghini. What rhymes with Lamborghini?"

He thought for a moment, "Cecil and Beany?"

I rolled my eyes, "How about 'you're a weenie'?"

Then Dylan came walking into the room backwards, carrying his video camera so that he was filming Michelle, "Fang, check out this serious toddling. Tracking shot, tracking shot."

I sighed, "Dylan, the kids been walking for three days. You haven't stopped taping her. I feel sorry for her when she starts potty training."

Michelle took one look around the room before wobbling back off to the kitchen.

Iggy picked her up before she could make her escape, though, and held her close.

Dylan stopped the camera, "Do you know what this means? My sweet little Michelle, she's now an object-grabbing, heat-seeking instrument of destruction."

Iggy lifted her up in front of his face, putting on a baby voice, "Hear this, humans. I am robo-baby!"

Nudge and Artiglio came rushing down the stairs in their bee costumes. Nudge jumped the last step, landing as she called out to Dylan, "Is Mom here?"

"Not yet. Look how cute you two are."

I sighed, slapping my hand down on my guitar. "Cute. Just what we need, more cute."

Artiglio looked at me, "Momma Tanner better get here soon. We're very busy with honeybee business." She held out the S's, making a buzzing sound as she said them.

Dylan handed the camera to Iggy, "You keep taping. Girls, on the steps. I want to ask you something." They rushed over to the steps, Artiglio smiling big as Dylan continued to talk. "Nudge, how does it feel to finally be retiring as queen bee?"

"Great. I'm way too old for this outfit. It's time to pass my antenna onto the bees of the future."

She pulled off her antenna hat and sat it on Lio's head. "I bee so happy," Lio said with a grin.

Dylan chuckled, "Do the secret honey bee hello."

Nudge looked at him, "Okay, but I cannot allow this on tape."

Dylan put up the camera as Nudge and Lio turned around and rubbed the stingers of their costumes together, buzzing.

A honk sounded from outside. Lio gasped, "That's grandma. We better buzz off."

"Okay," Dylan sighed, picking up Michelle before handing stuff to the girls, "Here's the baby's bag. And, oh yeah, here's the baby."

Once the girls were gone, Dylan turned to us. "Guys, there's no children in the house. You hear what I hear?"

I looked up from my notepad, "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly. It's silence."

Dylan and I reveled in this fact before Iggy opened his mouth, "Wha-"

He was cut off by both our hands. Dylan sighed after another moment, "I can't believe this. I have no parental responsibilities. This is great. No, that's not true. I really miss the girls. No, that's not true. This is great!"

"Alright," I called, standing up as Dylan and Iggy followed me, "Let's party boys. I got an idea. Let's get some girls."

"Great," Iggy nodded. "There's a three stooges festival downtown. You can meet some really fun girls there and the great part is they don't mind if you poke them in the eye."

Dylan shook his head, "I don't know about this."

I smirked, "I got a better idea. I get on my Harley. You follow me in the country squire. Not too close. Cruise up to Tahoe. Harrahs is having a Marilyn Monroe look-alike night."

Dylan looked at me, "How do you know about this?"

I shrugged, "How do you not know about this?"

Dylan just shook his head again, "Guys, we've never had a boy's night out, just the three of us. Let's go out together and just do some male bonding."

Iggy and I stared at him before I took a deep breath, "Male bonding? Iggy, do you want to bond?"

He shook his head in a polite no, "All I want is a woman who, at just the right moment, goes:" He made a weird noise, perfectly imitating something from the stooges.

Dylan looked at the floor, "Guys, time out. I can't do this." He turned and walked back over to the couch, "It's only been a year since I lost Pam. Don't let me stand in your way. I'll be fine. I'll just stay home alone. Maybe change the part in my hair. You guys go out, have a great time."

Iggy and I looked at each other before speaking at the same time, "Never mind."

Iggy raised his hands in the air, "Okay, we're available for bonding."

I nodded, "I'll do whatever you want, I promise."

Dylan smiled, "Great. You're not even going to think about women when you see what I've got in store for you."

Iggy and I looked at each other again, him with a confused look and me slightly terrified.

(Iggy's POV)

I stood in my alcove, making sure my captains outfit was on perfectly. Then I heard Dylan's voice from the living room. "Let's go fishing. Neptune's Bride sails at midnight."

I walked out of my alcove, "Great. I've been dying for a place to wear this outfit."

Dylan was fully dressed in a fisherman's outfit, but when Fang came walking down the stairs we noticed he hadn't changed at all from his black jeans, red t-shirt, and leather jacket. "Alright," he said with a huff. "Let's get this wonderful, fun-filled, magical night of bonding over with."

"Fang," Dylan said, "We're going fishing. You look ridiculous."

He turned to look at me, glancing up at my hat before rolling his eyes and turning back to Dylan, "I look ridiculous?"

The phone rang and I ran to get it, "Gilligan's living room. No, wait don't hang up. Sorry, I'm not supposed to answer the phone. Yes, Fang's here. Who may I say is calling?"

I grabbed the cord to the phone, walking away from Fang as he moved towards me. "No! Get out of town! The Roxanna? The rock star, Roxanna?" I pulled the phone away from my ear, "Fang, how do you know Roxanna?"

He shrugged, "We had this hot and heavy thing for a while. Actually, it was kinda serious. We dated. She became a big star, went on the road, so we drifted apart. Give me the phone!"

I put the phone back to my ear, "Is this true? Your story checks out. So, Roxanna, how's your new album?"

Fang took the cord of the phone, "Igster, you leave me no choice." Then he wrapped the cord around my neck. "Say goodbye.'

I wheezed out a goodbye and handed him the phone. "Hello. Oh, sorry. That was Iggy. He was raised by a family of really stupid wolves. How are you doing? I'm doing great, yeah. Oh, my music? My music's going real well. Yeah."

My eyes widened, "That's great! You told me you couldn't even find a job."

He glared at me, "Beat it wolf boy." He put the phone back up to his ear, "You know, it'd be really nice to see you again. Tonight? Yeah, tonight would be good."

Dylan's eyes widened this time, "Fang, you promised."

Fang looked at Dylan, then at me, "But, actually, I can't tonight. I'm going fish- I'm going boating. I'm going yachting, actually. We're having a big party. Neptune's Bride. Champagne, caviar, what have you. Alright, good. I'll call you in the morning."

He hung up the phone and Dylan smiled, "That's, Fang. You're not going to regret this."

Fang shrugged, "Why hang out with a beautiful rock star, when I can spend the evening with Thurston Howell III and Mr. Paul, the human fish stick?"

(Fang's POV)

Iggy and I followed Dylan onto an old wooden boat as he talked, "Ahoy, mateys. Here she be. Neptune's Bride. The finest lady to sail the seven seas."

Iggy closed one eye and turned to me, "Ay, I say we mount her."

I looked at him, "That's board her, squid head."

Dylan laughed, "Isn't this great? A night of men doing manly things. You know, there isn't a manlier man among men than the old salty dog that pilots this vessel. Old Captain Jack, where you be?"

A woman walked around the corner of the boat, "He be retired. I'm his granddaughter, Caroline. I'll be your captain this evening."

She looked sweet, with her brown hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. I chuckled as she grabbed our fishing supplies and moved over near the edge, "Oh yeah, men don't come any manlier."

Dylan shrugged, "Oh, except for old Captain Caroline, its boy's night out. Manly men doing masculine things."

I turned quickly as I hear familiar laughter on the dock. Standing there, with two other girls behind her, was Roxanna. She had curled and puffed up brown hair and was wearing a tight leather suit, much different than her blond haired and brightly dressed friends.

"Fang," she said, stepping up onto the boat.

**(A/n: **here it comes, the first memorable one I've been waiting for**)**

I looked her up and down, "Roxanna? _Have mercy_. What are you doing here?"

She wrapped her arms around my neck, "I tracked you down. I'm going on tour tomorrow and I just had to see you. These are my backup singers."

The taller blond nodded, "I'm Yvonne."

The other grinned, "I'm Vega."

I heard Iggy's voice behind me, "I'm happy."

Roxanna stepped away from me and looked around, "Fang, this isn't a yacht."

I nodded, "You're telling me. Last time I ever rent a yacht from a guy named Ice Pick."

Yvonne frowned, "So, what, there's not a party?"

Dylan stepped up behind me, "We're here to fish, not to party."

Iggy put a hand on a shoulder of each of the blonds, "There is now."

As I started to introduce everyone, I noticed the disappointed look on Dylan's face.

Once the boat was out in the water, Iggy, the girls, and I all shared cheers while Dylan walked up off to the side with Caroline. I saw her smile at him, "Thanks for helping me with the anchor, Dylan."

He shrugged, "Caroline, I live for this stuff. Take a look at me, did I forget anything?"

She laughed, "You could be the center fold for Field and Stream."

She walked off and he broke apart our group, "Excuse me, girls. Boys, it's time for fishing."

I sighed, "Oh, boy, am I a happy camper."

"Okay, Fang," Dylan held up two fishing poles, "What do you want?"

"I don't care."

"You want the Daiwa lightweight graphite Super flex, or the Shimano triton Speed Master?"

"I really don't care."

"How could you not care? The Daiwa has a forty pound test and the Shimano has fifty."

"I don't care! Give me the Daiwa."

"The Daiwa? In these waters? Bad choice."

"I don't care! Give me a worm and some dental floss."

Iggy reached across me, "I'll take the Shimano."

I yanked it out of his hands, "The hell you will. There's no way I'm getting stuck in these waters with a Daiwa."

I walked over to Roxanna, holding up my fishing poll. "Look at this. I got the Shimano."

She looked at it, "The Shimano? In waters like this?"

I thudded the end on the deck. "Look at that," I whispered, pointing out into the night sky, "It's a full moon."

She grinned, "There was a full moon the last night we were together. You remember Big Sur?"

"I remember we rented that cabin and went crazy in every room."

"Yeah, and then we went down to the beach and went a little crazier."

I chuckled, "Remember the seals were clapping for us." I sighed, my smile disappearing, "That's ancient history, right?"

"Yeah, it's all in the past."

I stood up straighter, our chests almost touching, "Just a shooting star that burned itself out."

"Nothing but memories."

Then we were lost, our arms wrapped around each other and our lips connected.

After a second, I pulled away from her, "Yep, the magic's gone."

Then we heard Iggy and Dylan's voices from behind us.

_Love_

_Exciting and new_

_Come aboard_

_We're expecting you_

I stopped them as Roxanna walked away, "You guys just butchered a classic."

(Dylan's POV)

Fang and Roxanna disappeared as Yvonne and Vega raised their glasses to Iggy and me, "Champagnes gone. Now what?"

Iggy walked over to them, "Well, ladies, how about a ménage a fish?"

Yvonne laughed, "We'd need a lot more champagne."

Iggy shrugged, "You've got to admit, it is kinda nice out here. All the rolling and swaying, swaying and rolling. Up and down, down and up."

Both girls squealed, covered their mouths, and ran towards the bathroom. "Yep," Iggy nodded, a slight frown on his face. "I know how to push all the right buttons."

Caroline turned away from him and smiled at me, "Well, we're in a great spot here."

I nodded, "Oh, yeah, I'm psyched. I got my lucky pole, my lucky hat, my lucky underwear with little sharks on it. But I digress."

She laughed, "You're kinda funny."

"Nah."

"Yeah."

"Nah."

"Yeah."

"Okay, yeah. Alright, Iggy, it's time for a fishing lesson from the master."

Iggy picked up his own fishing pole, "Alright, Dylan, show me how it's done."

"The art of casting. Click back your winder, thumb on the line, cast forward with a firm flowing motion, release your thumb and let her go."

"Got it. Click back your winder, thumb on the line, cast forward with a firm flowing motion, release your thumb and let her go." And the fishing pole went bye-bye.

Later, we were all standing on the deck, waiting for something to happen to our lines. Fang's voice rang out for the umpteenth time that night, "Got another one. That makes four."

I sighed, "I can't believe I haven't caught a thing."

Yvonne squealed, "This makes five for us. What a beauty."

I huffed, "How could this be, look at what they're wearing! Oh, great. My bait is yawning."

Caroline put her hand on my arm, "Dylan, is something wrong?"

I leaned in close to her, "Where's the scuba gear. There's something sinister going on down there."

She gave me a look, "You think the fish got together and made a group decision to avoid your hook?"

"It's the only logical explanation."

Fang let out a breath, "This is so boring. Reeling in fish after fish after fish."

I shook my head, "Will you shut up?"

Roxanna smiled at Fang, "You know, I wish we could see each other more often."

Fang nodded, "I know. The only time I see you now is on MTV."

"Well, I owe a lot of my success to you."

"Roxanna, you made it because you're good. Remember the first song you sang in my band?"

"How can I forget?"

"Do it."

Roxanna took a deep breath before starting to sing.

_He rocks in the treetop all the day long_

_Hoppin' and boppin' and singing his song_

_All the little birds on Jaybird Street_

_Love to hear the robin going tweet, tweet, tweet_

Everyone started joining in at different parts.

_Rockin' Robin_

_Tweet, tweet, tweet_

_Rockin' Robin_

_Tweet, tweedlydeet_

_Go, Rockin' Robin cause we're really gonna rock tonight_

_Every little swallow_

_Every chickadee_

_Every little bird in the tall oak tree_

_A big black crow_

_Slaps his little wings going 'go, bird, go'_

_Rockin' Robin_

_Tweet, tweet, tweet_

_Rockin' Robin_

_Tweet, tweedlydeet_

_Go, Rockin' Robin cause we're really gonna rock tonight_

_Tweet, tweedlydeet_

Everyone cheered. I picked up my fishing pole again, "That was almost fun." Then something started yanking on my line. I put my foot up on the edge of the boat, trying to reel it in. And then I was in the water.

And Iggy was right after me. Followed by Fang, due to the girls giving him a nasty look when he didn't move.

(Fang's POV)

It was the next morning and we were all surrounding the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Iggy walked over with a pan, "Anyone else want some more of my halibut? My albacore? My swordfish?"

Dylan dropped his fork, "Oh, shut up."

I looked at him, "You're just cranky because you got pulled overboard by a Michelin Radial."

Dylan straightened his shoulders, "Hey, that tire had an incredible will to live."

Yvonne laughed, "Hey, Roxanna, we'll meet you back at the hotel."

Iggy went to walk them out as Dylan and Caroline stood, followed by Roxanna and I.

Vega smiled at Iggy, "Oh, and thanks for the Pepto-Bismol."

"No problem. I know my antacids."

Yvonne grinned, "You know, Iggy, being with you actually bordered on fun."

"Yeah, I hear that a lot."

"You know, Iggy, we've met a lot of men. And… well, now we've met you."

They left as Roxanna and I stood in each other's arms. "Seems like we're always saying goodbye," I whispered.

"I hate it. Fang, come on the road with me."

"Join your band?"

"Well, no. We're an all girl group and you're definitely not a girl."

"Then why would I go on the road with you?"

"Just to be with me?"

"Do what? Carry your bags for you? Tune your guitar? Is that what you want?"

"No."

"What, I've got nothing better to do that follow you around like a little puppy dog?"

(Dylan's POV)

Caroline and I did the dishes as she talked, "You know, I really had a great time."

"So did I."

"How about if I make you dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"You know, food you eat when it gets dark."

"No dinner."

"How about lunch?"

"No lunch. No food."

"Liquid protein?"

"Look, Caroline, I'm real sorry but I think this whole thing was just kinda a big mistake. You really shouldn't be here right now. Because you really should, uh, be somewhere else. Let me walk you to the door, okay?"

Caroline and I walked into the living room to Roxanna and Fang arguing.

"Fang, you're overreacting."

"No, I'm not. Come on, let's go. This is not going to work out. Go," he opened the door and gestured for her to leave.

Iggy's voice made all of us pause, "Everyone freeze. I need to see Fang and Dylan in the kitchen right now."

Fang sighed, "Iggy, I'm in the middle of something."

"Humor me. Now, girls, please don't leave. Caroline, you like fish. Roxanna, you like music. Talk about Muddy Waters."

With that, all we guys entered the kitchen. Fang huffed, "Iggy, what is your problem?"

"You guys are crazy. You had a nice time with Caroline, you with Roxanna. What's the story here?"

I put my hands on my hips, "Caroline and I are none of your business."

"Neither are Roxanna and I."

"Fang, your attitude wouldn't have anything to do with her success, would it?"

Fang wouldn't look Iggy in the eye, "No. I don't know. Alright, I do know. I mean, I put her band together. Me. I put her band together, she's a big star. I put my band together, we're playing dives. I promised myself by the time I was twenty one, I'd have a record deal. I'm twenty one now. When's it gonna be my turn?"

Iggy gave a sad smile, "I know how that feels. It's like when I see ALF I go nuts. I'm doing my standup in little night clubs and a carpet sample has a series. But, you know if we hang in there, we're going to make it." Then he turned to me, "Dylan, why are you so upset with Caroline?"

"Because she wanted to make me dinner."

"The real problem is you like her."

"Okay, I do like her. And it scares me. Ever since Pam, everything is just so hard. So confusing."

"I know how tough this has been on you. That's how life is. It's a struggle. What helps you get through the tough times are the people by your side. So, when people like Roxanna and Caroline come along why push them away because you're frustrated by your career and because you're not ready to date yet? You're throwing away what could be great friendships."

Fang looked at Iggy in disbelief, "Is this the same guy who spends hours perfecting underarm noises?" Iggy smiled and Fang's eyes narrowed, "Where's this coming from?"

"From my heart. I did have some help with the words. It's what Scooby-Doo told Scrappy-Doo last Saturday morning."

We all couldn't help but laugh. I hugged him, "Thanks Iggy."

Iggy held out his hand for Fang and he just stared at it. That was, until he pulled him into another hug, "Come here, you big goof."

I grinned, "Alright, we got in some male bonding after all. Will you guys excuse me for a moment?" I poked my head into the living room, "Caroline, can I talk to you a minute, please?"

She walked in, "Hi."

"Hi. Look, I'm real sorry I flipped out. It's just that… Well, you know about my wife. And I'm just not ready for this yet. I really do like you. Do you think maybe you and I could just be friends?"

She smiled, "I think that would be great."

(Fang's POV)

"Roxanna, I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe I was acting a little bit.. What's the word I'm looking for? Insanely jealous."

She grinned, "Fang, your time's gonna come. You're too good."

"You know I can't go with you."

"I know. I just want us to be together."

"Well, maybe we will be someday. But in the meantime you got to realize, a guy like me, I gotta be freewheeling. I gotta be riding on the wind. I gotta be living on the edge."

The front door opened and Artiglio and Nudge came storming in, "Hey, Fang!"

Artiglio looked down at her bee costume, "Will you help me off with my stinger?"

"Sure kid," I yanked the Velcro stinger off. Then looked at Roxanna with it in my hand, "Well, I'm living on the edge of cuteness."


	6. S01 E06 Daddy's Home

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Six:_

_Daddy's Home_

(Nudge's POV)

I walked down the stairs into the living room carrying Michelle. I moved over to her play pen and sat her down inside it, "Michelle, stay right here. Where are you gonna go? You're in a baby jail."

Iggy walked out of his alcove wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a bright purple tie. "I'm ready for Artiglio's recital. You think the shirt and tie go?"

"I think the shirt and tie should go."

Lio came dancing into the room in her purple ballet outfit, counting her beats with her headphones in her ears. Iggy walked over to her, "Artiglio, you've been rehearsing for three days straight. You're this close to ballerina burn out."

I moved her headphone as she continued dancing, "Lio!"

She stopped cold, "I am not Artiglio. I'm a swan who is about to kick the bucket."

She twirled a few times before dropping to the ground. Iggy went down on his knees next to her, "Oh no. There's a dead swan in the living room."

She stood up and put an arm around his shoulders, "Iggy, I was only acting."

"No! Get out of town! Unbelievable!"

The door handle started to move and Artiglio gasped, "Uh oh! That's Dylan! I don't want him to see me in my tutu until show time! He doesn't know my position yet! Yikes!"

With that, she scurried out of the room just as Dylan walked in. "Sorry I'm late. I was editing my feature on greatest moments in bowling and I got held up when I couldn't find a second moment."

I smiled up at him, "Oh, after Artiglio's recital we hit the big sale at the Fashion Mart. Everything is half off."

He looked down at me, "Of course, that doesn't save me any money because you'll just buy twice the stuff."

"I like your attitude," I grinned.

At this time, Fang came down the stairs dressed in neat black clothing, "It's Saturday afternoon, I'm all dressed up, and where am I going? A munchkin ballet."

"Fang," I said, looking him up and down, "Hot outfit. Help Iggy."

With that, I left the room.

(Fang's POV)

I chuckled as I looked at Iggy's shirt and tie, shaking my head, "Very sharp, Igtard. Where you going after the ballet? Don Ho's wedding?"

The doorbell rang and Dylan answered it. Standing there was a girl in a tight brown dress who had long bottle blond hair. Dylan looked at her, "Fang, it's for you."

Iggy stepped forward, "How do you know she's not here for me?"

Then she ran towards me and threw herself into my arms, "Fang!"  
>"Adrianna, have mercy. How are you?"<p>

Dylan looked at Iggy, "If she's here to see you, she's very nice to your friends."

I turned Adrianna to look at the guys, "Let me introduce you. This is Dylan Tanner and this is King Kamehameha. You guys will never guess where I met this girl."

Dylan looked her up and down, "A PTA meeting?"

"Close. Skydiving."

She grinned, "He missed the target and dropped right into my Alfa Romeo."

I chuckled, "'Dropped right into my Alfa-' I love that! Anyway, she asked me to come back to her place and turned out her place was in Rome. Come on, I'll make you some spaghetti-o's."

Just as I was leaving, I heard Iggy turn to Dylan, "That guy is amazing. He takes off, just like that, to Rome. No toothbrush. No clean underwear. What a life. Now that is my fantasy."

"You fantasize about having bad breath and dirty underwear?"

(Iggy's POV)

I was about to respond when Dylan moved past me and picked up Michelle, "Say 'dada'. Say 'dada'. Say 'da'. Say 'vavlevavlevavaha'. She's so close, I can feel it. Say 'dada'."

I put on a squeaky voice, "Dada. Okay? Now get off my back."

I took Michelle away from him as the phone rang. He picked it up and began speaking. "Hello. Really? The station wants me to cover the game of the week? That's great." Artiglio and Nudge walked in, Lio wrapped in her long jacket so that we couldn't see her outfit. "No, that's not great. Look, my little sister is having her first ballet recital. Any chance Stanford and USLA could delay the kickoff? Like three, or four hours? Hey, I took a shot. Alright. Yeah, I'll be there."

He sat the phone down and looked at the girls. Lio frowned, "You're gonna miss my recital?"

"I'm really sorry, honey. I feel terrible."

Nudge stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lio, "It's okay, Dyl. We understand you have to work. But it's great having your brother-in-law on TV, right Lio?"

She kept her frown, but nodded, "Yeah. That part's fun."

Dylan grimaced at Nudge, "I guess this means we're gonna miss the big sale, too."

"That's okay. We can go some other time. And pay full price."

(Later, Still Iggy's POV)

I walked down into the garage only to find Fang and Adrianna making out on his motorcycle. I walked up behind them, just waiting. Fang pulled away from her slowly, looking at me, "Can I help you?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Go ahead, talk," He said, pulling Adrianna back to him.

I just sighed, sitting on the very back of the bike, "So here's what I'm thinking. I think I need to make some changes in my life."

Arianna pulled away from Fang to look at me. He huffed and glared at me, "Bran. Eat more bran."

I shook my head, "What I mean by change is more danger, more excitement, more Adrianna."

Fang sighed and looked at Adrianna, "I'll be right back." Then he grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked me over to the side of the garage. "What do you want?"

"I want your life. Were you always like this?"

"No, I wasn't always like this. I was like you. Then I turned four. I remember, my dad got me my first bike. Sailed into the driveway, ripped off the training wheels, packed a bag, and took off to adventure. If my dad hadn't of snagged me, I would've made it all the way to dairy queen."

"See, I love that story. That's what I want: a life without training wheels."

"You know something, kid? I like you. I think I could give you that life. But understand, when you talk about a like life mine, you're talking about living on the edge. You're talking about taking risks. You're talking about," he looked at me, "Buying a new wardrobe. Are you, Iggy Griffiths, ready to make that kind of commitment?"

"I am ready to be committed."

(Dylan's POV)

I slammed through the door, walking into the living room to see Adrianna and Fang feeding each other strawberries. "Fang," I said, getting his attention.

He looked at me, "What could you possibly want?"

"How was your little sister's recital? I know she's not my little sister, but… still, I've grown attached. I feel responsible."

"She came out, she danced, she died."

"Oh, god, I wish I could've been there. I rushed home. There's time to take the girls shopping."

"I already took care of it. I had to take Iggy shopping, so I took the girls to the sale, saved you a few bucks."

I nodded, "That was nice of you."

He stood up, "Hey, girls! Come down stairs and model your new clothes for your dad!"

Adrianna pulled him to the side after he finished calling up the stairs, "Fang, why don't I just wait for you back at the hotel and I'll try on this cute little outfit you bought me."

She swung the tiny bag in front of his face before walking out the door.

Nudge coughed at the top of the stairs, signaling that she was ready. Then, Fang began to announce.

"And now the lovely Nudge, sporting the lovely fall look. She's got a tomato red hat for that tomato red look. And hey, look at her. Too much. Thank you, Nudge.

"And now, Artiglio. The young Artiglio, just back from Milan steps out in style in her multicolored print. She's a nice kid, but she's got a back problem. Thank you, Artiglio." She didn't stop posing. "Thank you, Artiglio. Thank you, Artiglio. Thanks, Lio!

"And now, for the latest and always exciting world of toddler fashion, the lovely scintillating Michelle. Michelle is sporting that look that says 'Hey, babe, it's the late eighties and I'm loving every minute of it'. Come here, you little weasel."

Fang picked up Michelle and looked at me. I frowned, "Looks like I missed out on a really special day. My little girls, they're growing up so fast."

Fang sat back down at the organ and began to play some music, putting back on his announcer voice, "And now, taking a major fashion risk, is the ultimate macho, macho man, Ig Stud!"

Iggy came out of his alcove in tight leather pants, a leather jacket, and a red t-shirt. He looked at me, shoving his gloved hands into his pockets. Or, trying to at least. "Shut up, punk."

I sighed, "Iggy, you know, you actually make Michael Jackson look tough."

Fang rocked Michelle in his arms, "Girl, you are gonna be such a fox when you grow up."

Then she squeaked, letting out two little syllables, "Dada."

Fang's eyes widened, and he looked at me. I took a deep breath, "Fang, my little girl just called you 'Dada'."

"No, she didn't call me 'Dada'. She called me… 'Dodo'." He looked down at Michelle before handing her to me, "Here's your Dada."

I looked at her, "Remember me? I'm your Dada."

Fang took her back, "Come on. The guy's really asking for a Dada. Can't you give him a 'dada'?"

Then she said it again, to Fang. "Dada."

Iggy took her from Fang, and she said it once more.

I let out an exasperated sigh, "My sweet little baby, my own flesh and blood, think you two are her father. Oh, my god! My little baby doesn't have the foggiest clue who I am."

Iggy sighed, "How many of us really know who we are?"

I looked between Fang and Iggy, "This is all my fault. I'm working too many hours. I've got to spend more time with these girls. I am their legal guardian."

Artiglio came racing down the stairs followed my Nudge. They were both dressed in completely different outfits. Artiglio grinned, "Fang bought us these to go clubbing."

I took a deep breath, "Girls, I am taking all three of you out for a guardian-child day."

(Fang's POV)

I rode into the garage on my Harley, Iggy sitting behind me. I parked easily and pulled off my helmet. "Pretty darn exciting, huh?" Iggy just nodded, not moving his arms from around me.

"Wanna jump that fountain again?" He shook his head violently.

We both climbed off… and he was still holding onto me. "Iggy, we're off the bike."

"So I should let go of you now?"

"Either that or we have a lot of explaining to do to my parents."

He removed his arms quickly. I laughed, "How'd you like that ride?"

"Fang, it was a revelation. I saw god! In fact, I think we lapped him."

I chuckled, "You got the look, you got the feel, all you have to do is get on a bike and ride to adventure."

"Yeah, baby!" He ran over to my bike, climbing on top of it, "I'm hell bound."

"Whoa! You ain't hell bound on my bike! Nobody rides my bike but me. You need a bike, take your pick from the girl's. And if you miss that engine sound, put some cards in the spokes."

With that, I turned and began to walk away. Iggy just pointed at me, "You know what you are? You're a bike tease. You get a guy all fired up and then you say 'no'. Well, I want danger. I want adventured. I want to ride your pig."

"It's 'hog'. Alright, Iggy. Once around the block. Go ahead." He clapped and climbed on the bike. "Now, listen. You be very, very careful. You hear me?"

He started to drive around before I stopped him, "Hey, hey, hold on!"

"What's your problem, dude?"

"You gotta open the garage door, dude."

"Radical."

(Artiglio's POV)

I woke up to find Dylan, with the video camera, filming my feet. "Dylan, why are you making feet movies?"

"Because I love you. And I love your little feet."

Nudge sat up in her bed, "What's going on?"

"Dylan loves me, and he loves my little feet."

Dylan nodded, "I want to preserve every minute of your lives."

Nudge laughed and climbed out of bed, "I'm gonna go brush my teeth, do you want to reload?"

"Wait a minute, Nudge. Girls, I have a surprise for you. I am not going to work today. Today is guardian-child day part two."

"Wait," Nudge said, "How can you do this? Sunday is your busiest day."

"I worked it out. I'm working New Years Eve, but I worked it out. This is your day, we can do whatever you want."

Nudge smiled, "Can we take a cruise around the bay?"

"It's your day."

I jumped out of bed, "Can we go horseback riding?"

"It's your day."

Nudge grinned, "Then can we buy a big screen TV, a CD player, and a couple of mopeds?"

"Why don't I just get you your own MasterCard?"

"Oo, it is my day!"

(Iggy's POV)

I walked the bike into the garage, trying to be as quite as I could. I set the stand and began to walk past some Christmas decorations.

"Ho, ho, ho." Fang walked out from behind a plastic Santa, glaring at me. "It's your last Christmas. Tell Santa what kind of tombstone you want."

"Fang-"

"I said once around the block! Where were you?"

"I can explain."

"Once! You know what once means?"

"Hi, girls!" I said, watching as Dylan and the girls walked into the garage.

Fang just gripped my t-shirt harder, "Like that old trick is supposed to work."

"Hey, Fang!" Lio said, making Fang turn and let go of my shirt.

"I was just welcoming home Iggy."

Dylan looked at us, "Girls, let's give the boys a moment to get reacquainted."

Fang pushed me as they left, "Speak, geek. And you better have one hell of a story."

"As soon as I left the driveway, your spirit entered my body. I knew that it was your spirit, because my hair expanded. Then she appeared. Five, eleven, and dressed head to toe in red leather."

"And what did my spirit tell you to do?"

"I threw the babe on the back of the bike, popped a wheelie, and said 'have mercy'."

"That's my spirit."

"Then we cruised into Vegas, checked into Caesar's, hit the crap tables. Hour and a half later, I'm up fourteen thousand bucks."

"Fourteen thousand? That's a lot of money. And you have a pretty girl. Did you… You know?"

"Yep, got married. Then it got interesting. We hoped on a jet to the Big Apple, took a helicopter to Manhattan, where we quickly produced a revival of the Broadway smash Porgy and Bess. You don't believe a word of this, do you?"

He shook his head. "Not a syllable."

"Well, let's give the truth a whirl. I met a girl who lives just down the street. She wasn't dressed in red leather. She had a pretty nice wallet. So we went to her place, where I did win fourteen thousand dollars… in monopoly money. Then I fell asleep on her couch. You believe that, don't you?"

"Have to. You put a mile and a half on the bike."

"Fang, I'm sorry I was gone so long. I hope I didn't let you down."

"You didn't let me down. Maybe you didn't have a wild and crazy adventure, but you had a cute little adventurette."

"You know what I found out?"

"What?"

"No matter what I wear or what I'm riding on, I'm still gonna be Iggy. And you know something, that's okay."

"Damn right, it's okay."

"Okay, out of my way, dude. Going upstairs to take a bubble bath."

(Nudge's POV)

I watched as Dylan tucked in Artiglio. Then he walked over to me. "Great day, huh, Nudge?"

"Yeah, major fun, it was one of the best days of my life." I huffed.

"You don't sound all that happy."

"I'm happy, honest. See, these are happy teeth."

"I've known that face since it was the size of a tennis ball. That is not Nudge happy face."

"Dylan, for the last time, I'm happy. Happy, happy, okay!"

"Lio? I bet you want to get yourself a glass of water."

She sighed, "I'm not dumb. You want me to leave. Something's wrong."

"Sweetie, I promise that if something's wrong, we'll fix it."

"Alright."

And she left us alone. Dylan walked back over to me, "What's going on? You don't have to put on a happy act for me."

"It wasn't for you, it was for Artiglio."

"Well, she's not here, honey. What's going on?"

"It's just hard being brave for my little sister all the time. Like when you couldn't take me shopping, I felt terrible. But I couldn't show it because, if I did, Artiglio would cry about you missing her recital."

"Nudge, you are a terrific big sister, but no one has to put on an act in this house. Now, what's bothering you?"

"I don't know. Today was so much fun. You took us horseback riding, to the circus, to Marine World. But I kept getting sadder and sadder."

"What part depressed you most: the circus clowns or Shamu? Maybe you were sad for the same reason I was."

"You were sad, too?"

"A little bit. Because the more fun we had the more I hated to see it end."

"I wish we could have days like this all the time. I really love being with you."

"I love being with you too. But there is no easy answer here."

"I know you have to work."

"I wish I could be in two places at once, but I can't."

"You know, I feel better."

"You do?"

"Yeah. We didn't resolve anything, but talking about it just helps."

"It helps me, too. And, Nudge, I promise I'm going to find more time to spend with you girls."

"And anytime you want to see me you can always pull me out of school. Especially if you want to see me during math class."

"Now that's a Nudge happy face. Come here, you little tennis ball head."

(Dylan's POV)

I walked into Michelle's room, looking down into her crib. "Hi, honey. You may not remember today, but it was one of the best days of my life. I love you, Michelle."

And, just as I was walking out of the room, she said it.

"Dada."

I looked back at her with a grin before shutting the door behind me. I stood there in the hallway for a second.

"Yes!"


	7. S01 E07 Knoch Yourself Out

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Seven:_

_Knock Yourself Out_

(Dylan's POV)

I picked up Michelle off of her changing table, giving her a smile, "Wish daddy luck, honey. It's a big night. Daddy's getting his tryout as cover man for his big fight. Cable TV, nationwide." The baby girl just looked at me. "Yes, I see how impressed you are."

I laid her down in her crib before standing up straight. Michelle reached for me, repeating 'dada'.

I sighed, "Michelle, I'd love to give you a hug, but twenty million people will be watching me. I'd just as soon them not see your cookies on my shoulder." She frowned. "Do you promise that everything inside of you will stay inside of you?"

She reached for me again and I went to pick her up. Just before I did so, she burped. I stood up straight again, "That's a preview, isn't it?"

I reached for a hand towel and put it over my shoulder, "Baby dribble guard."

(Fang's POV)

I sat in the living room, on the couch, playing my guitar as I hummed, trying to come up with words. I heard someone coming down the stairs but paid no attention until I heard Dylan clearing his throat.

I took off my glasses and looked at him, "May I help you?"

"Well, Fang, what do you think?"

I looked at the dribble guard, "You're planning on burping one of the boxers?"

He looked at the guard, "A good sportscaster is ready for anything." He pulled it off his shoulder.

I nodded, looking back at my guitar, "Listen, I picked up the perfect tune for the lyrics here. This is really cool, listen to the song."

I began to play my guitar and was about to sing the first line when Dylan began, "_On top of old Smokey._ Fang, you really should make an original."

I slapped the guitar with the palm of my hand before standing up, "You realize there are only seven notes. Beethoven was right when he said it don't come easy."

Dylan looked at me, "Beethoven said it don't come easy?"

"Well, he said it in German."

I sat back down with my guitar just as Iggy ran into the room with oven mitts on his hands and dressed in his robe, "Alright, Dylan, I'm ready." He started hopping around on the balls of his feet and pretending to punch me.

After a few more times, I stood up with my guitar in batting position. Iggy jumped back with his oven mitts in the air, "Sorry, I'll- I'll behave." Just as I sat back down and began playing my guitar, I felt him barely slap the back of my head.

I stopped and stood up again, "You are such a baby."

I walked as if a was leaving the room until I was just behind him. Then I slapped his head as hard as I could before running out of the room. As soon as I was in the kitchen, I turned so that I could watch them from the doorway.

Iggy just rolled his shoulders, "Longhaired hippie punk. Dylan, I've got to tell you, I'm so proud. Ever since you were sports editor of our high school newspaper You had that dream."

"The one about Sharon Campbell?"

"No, not that dream. Every guy in high school had that dream. No, I mean your dream about making it as a sportscaster. Tonight, you go from local news to coast-to-coast. Knock them dead."

"Thanks. And your dream about being a comic, I promise you, one day, I won't be the only one who thinks you're funny."

Then Nudge came running down the stairs with a present in her hand, "Wait! Dylan, hold on! Don't leave yet!"

Artiglio came following her, dressed in her blue PJs.

Nudge held out the present, "We got some stuff for you for good luck. Guess what it is."

Artiglio's hand went up in the air, "A tie!"

Nudge turned to her, "Lio, you knew!"

"Oh, yeah… Dylan, now you guess."

He smiled, "I give up."

Lio's mouth dropped open, "It's a tie! Remember?"

He opened the box to pull out a maroon tie, "This is beautiful. I'm going to wear this tonight."

Lio held her own present, "I got you a surprise too, Dylan."

Dylan took the present and opened it. Inside was large craft button that was all different fiery colors. "Oh, this is great. Thank you for the, um… this is great!"

Iggy shifted on one foot, "That's the most beautiful… one of those I've ever seen!"

Nudge smirked, "Isn't that a nice tie pen, Dylan."

He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, "God bless you. Lio, I love this! Thank you girls."

I walked back into the room with my guitar, "Alright, I finally got this. This baby is hit-bound. Listen to this."

I started playing the tune that just popped into my head and was about to start the lyrics when they all began singing, "_This land is your land. This land is my land. From California to the New York islands."_

I huffed but continued playing, "Everybody!"

(LATER)

I walked through the kitchen, yelling as I did so, "Coming right up, girls! Get some snacks."

Nudge leaned down the stairs, "Hurry up, Dylan's almost on. We're gonna watch him in our room."

I headed over to the fridge, grabbing snacks along the way, "Alright."

Lio leaned down the stair just as I was headed up with chips, soda, and cookies, "Don't forget the ice-cream."

"Okay," I headed to get it. And it just continued on from there.

"And the bowls and spoons!"

"Bowls and spoons, got it."

"And licorice!"

"Licorice!"

"Okay."

"Red licorice!"

"Of course, who wants black licorice?"

"And fruit!"

I whimpered, my arms completely full.

"And milk!"

I eventually made it up the stairs, about to go into the girl's room with my arms packed and something lying across my head. Then Nudge and Lio came out of the room, "We changed our minds. The TV in the living room is bigger."

Just as the girls began to take things out of my arms, Iggy ran up behind me, "Fang, I need your help in the nursery."

"What is happening to my life?"

I huffed and followed Iggy into the nursery. He bent over her crib, "Michelle, please don't be sick."

I sighed, "Alright, Igtard, what's the problem here?"

He looked at me, "I heard Michelle cough."

I picked her up, "Hey, kid, you okay? She's cool."

Lio slammed into the room, "It's time! Dylan's going to be on right after the underarm commercial!"

She left, leaving Iggy to bend over Michelle's crib again, "Fang, I don't like the sound of that cough. We should bring Michelle with us."

"Iggy, you gotta realize babies cough, man. Babies dribble. Babies barf. Think of them as little tiny teenagers. Come on, Michelle," I picked her up and we started to walk out of the room.

We walked down the stairs, seeing the girls completely camped out in the living room. Michelle coughed just as we stepped off the stairs and I turned to the girls, "You girls ever hear that cough before?"

Lio scrunched up her nose, "Sounds like a hairball."

I huffed, "Come on, Artiglio, babies don't get- Do babies get hairballs?"

The TV announcer interrupted, "And now a special live presentation, here's Dylan Tanner!"

We all rushed to the couch to see Dylan on TV, "Good evening, boxing fans. I'm Dylan Tanner and" He was interrupted by a boxer and his trainer warming up. "Anyway, I'm Dylan Tanner and welcome to tonight's fight. We're in the training room of former champion, Reggie 'The Sandman' Martin. Only moments away from the sandman's first attempt on the comeback trail to reclaim his heavyweight crown. And here he is now."

(Dylan's POV)

I held the microphone out to the Sandman, "Well, champ, how you feeling?"

"I feel good, I feel strong. I feel like hitting somebody."

"But not me, right?"

"That depends on the question."

"Okay, no pressure here. Well, champ, the obvious question: Why the comeback? You've got plenty of money in the bank. Heck, you own a bank. You've been retired for two years, what is it? Do you miss wearing the shorts?"

"No, no. You see it-"

The manager pulled the microphone, "Pride. It's pride, respect. The champ wants to go down as the greatest fighter in the history of boxing."

I raised my eyebrows, "Are you sure it's not the six million dollars?"

The Sandman grinned, "Okay, I miss wearing the shorts."

I opened my suit jacket to show my tie pin to the camera. The Sandman looked at it, "I know why I'm wearing a cup, but why are you wearing a saucer?"

"Oh, this. This is a gift from my sister in law, I'm her legal guardian, Artiglio. The tie is a gift from my sister, Nudge. I have a baby girl myself, Michelle, but you can't wear her gifts. You probably haven't seen too much of your family during the three months of training."

"Yeah, Lou runs a pretty tough camp."

The trainer nodded, "The toughest. Total isolation. Just me, the Sandman, and misery."

The Sandman took the microphone, "Look, I'm sorry about that, Marcie. How you feeling, honey?"

I took the mike back, "I thinks it's wonderful that you and your wife are still good friends, considering."

His smile dropped, "Considering what?"

"You know-"

The trainer cut in, "Yeah, right, champ. Just loosen up."

"Hey! The man said 'considering'. Considering what?"

"Considering what happened."

The trainer tried to interrupt again, but the Sandman wasn't having it, "If I don't get some information, I'm going to loosen somebody's head. Now, you said 'It's great we're still friends'. Why wouldn't me and my wife be friends?"

I looked at the camera, wide eyed, "So, about tonight's fight. Let's talk strategy."

"Hey, man," he grabbed my color and lifted me off the ground.

"Let's forget about strategy. All I meant was, usually when a woman moves out on a man, they stop being friends."

"She moved out?"

"Champ," the trainer started, "It's time for the fight. Let's go."

"You expect me to fight when my wife just walked out on me?"

"Use it, champ! Use the anger!"

The Sandman turned to me, a harsh glare on his face.

"I'm sorry. Boy, I'm sorry. I can't believe you didn't know about this!"

"You calling me a liar?"

"No, not at all! Why would I choose those as my last words? I just figured sing the story was in the newspapers, in the magazines, and the soon-to-be TV movie-"

"She left me? And sold the rights?" He sat on the table behind us, his head in his hands, "No, Marcia, baby, no!"

"It'll be okay," I patted his back, "It'll be okay."

The trainer looked at me, "You're kinda taking the edge off of him, ey, Tanner?"

I turned to the camera, "In a way, this is kind of a beautiful moment. Thanks for sharing it with us. And, Sandman, best of luck on tonight's fight."

He looked up at me, "Fight? I can't fight?"

The trainer led him to the ring, trying to up his mood with reinforcement the entire way.

(Iggy's POV)

Lio looked at her older brother, "Why was that man crying?"

"Well, the man was cry because Dylan made him so happy."

She shook her head, "I don't think so."

_We'll be back after this word from… anybody but me._

Lio sighed, "Now what happens?"

Fang huffed, "Well, two guys beat each other up for about thirty six minutes and then they get six million dollars."

Her eyes went wide, "Six million dollars? Forget about being a ballerina."

I cut in, "Maybe you girls shouldn't be watching all this violence."

Nudge nodded, "Iggy's right. Let's go watch reruns of The A-Team."

As soon as they were out of the room, Michelle coughed again. Fang stood up with her in his arms, "You hear that? She coughed again. This cough is getting serious. I'll think of something."

He began to pace as I picked up the phone.

Fang turned on his heel, "What are you doing?"

"Calling the baby's doctor."

"Good! I knew I'd think of something."

He set the baby down in her playpen as I talked, "Hello, Doctor Landress? You're home? You answer your own phone? Are you any good? Yeah, I'm calling about Michelle Tanner. She's coughing. It's not a 'I can't breathe' cough, but it sounds like it hurts. Here, just-"

Fang ripped the phone from my hands and put it down to Michelle, "Cough. Come on, cough. It's like taking your car to the mechanic, it never makes the same noise." He put the phone up to his hear, "Alright. Her nose? Yeah, it's running like a fountain. What's coming out of it? Diet cola. Fever? I don't know. Of course I know how to take her temperature. You just put the thermometer under her tongue- You don't? I put it where? Iggy, it's for you."

(LATER)

I looked at the thermometer, "No fever. Doctor said no fever then it's a cold. We should use the medicine from her last cold." I opened the medicine cabinet, "Okay, we've got strawberry mousse, apricot conditioner, honey nut rinse. You believe these girls put all this dumb junk it their hair?"

Fang cleared his throat, "It's mine."

I just chuckled, pulling out the medicine. "Alright, here it is. Michelle Tanner, half a teaspoon, four times a day. Remember that."

Nudge walked into the room, followed by Lio, "The fight's over. They said Dylan would be back on after these important messages."

Lio looked at Fang as he pour the medicine into the spoon, "What are you doing to Michelle?"

"We're giving her some medicine."

"That's not the way Dylan does it."

"Artiglio." Fang went to give Michelle the medicine, but she lifted a hand and tapper the spoon so that it flew into my face. Fang chuckled, "Iggy, duck!"

(Dylan's POV)

"Well, folks, you saw it. A minute and seventeen into the round and The Sandman was KO'd. He may have been a little off tonight, that happens. But I don't think the blame should be laid at anyone's feet."

I ran into the training room, avoiding the press who were now trying to follow me. There was The Sandman, angry and defeated, standing next to his trainer. "Sandman, I am really very, very sorry."

He took a deep breath, "It's okay. It's not your fault. At least somebody had the guts to tell me about my wife. Say, you wouldn't happen to know why she left me, would you?"

"Well, maybe not seeing your wife for three or four months resulted in lack of intimacy."

The trainer took the Sandman's arm, "It's okay, champ. We don't need her."

The Sandman turned to him, "It's this 'we' stuff. It's this 'we' stuff that got me into trouble. You talked me out of retirement because you needed the money. Now, you knew about my wife all the time, didn't you?"

"I kinda got an inkling when I saw the cover story."

"Look, Marcie. Marcie, honey. I'm gonna give up boxing for good. I'm gonna find you, beg for forgiveness, and I'm gonna win you back. I love you, baby. Lou, you fired."

The Sandman walked off, leaving Lou to stare at me, "Tanner, this whole thing is your fault!" He went to punch me, but his hand connected with something. He pulled back, holding his misshapen looking knuckles and running off.

I smirked and opened my suit jacket again to the camera, pointing to my giant tie pin, "Thank you, Artiglio."

(Fang's POV)

The girls headed up to bed, leaving Iggy and I to get Michelle to take her medicine. We had tried everything. Mixing it with food. Doing the airplane. Nothing worked.

"Iggy, you try to give her her medicine, I give up."

Iggy sighed and looked back at Michelle, "Come on, it taste really good. Watch this." He did the airplane towards her, only taking a different route last second and landing the spoon in my mouth.

My face scrunched up at the taste and I didn't move until I looked at Michelle. I grimaced, "So good."

"She's waiting for Uncle Fang to swallow."

I forced it down, letting my tongue hang out of my mouth. Mouthwash. That's what I needed. "This stuff's terrible. Enough of this nonsense. Alright, Michelle, no fooling around. This is the last teaspoon. You will take it."

I pushed the spoon towards her mouth and she opened, swallowing like a champ.

I turned to grin at Iggy.

(Iggy's POV)

Dylan came sighing into the house, dropping his briefcase and falling onto the couch. I watched him for a second before calling his name. He didn't even pull his face away from the couch, "Don't bother lying to me. I stunk."

"I just want you to know that Michelle is going to be fine."

"What?"

"Well, she was sick, but she'd fine now."

"The baby's sick!" He jump up from the couch and started heading upstairs, "Why didn't you say something?"

He stormed into Michelle's room, only to find Fang in the rocking chair singing to her softly.

Dylan picked her up, holding her close, "Fang, what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing. She just had a little cold."

"How do you know it's a little cold?"

"She had a cough, runny nose, but no fever."

"She should have fluids."

"Done," Iggy and I said at the same time.

"We should call the doctor."

"Done."

"Really? Has she had her cough medicine?"

"Done."

"How about changing her diaper?"

"Goodnight!"

(LATER)

We all set around the table as I poured hot chocolate. Dylan smiled, "You guys did great."

"Yeah," Fang sighed, "Finally learned how to take care of the little kid."

"I can't thank you guys enough."

Fang and I both shrugged. Fang yawned, "I really love that-" He coughed at the same time I sneezed "-Germ spreading, phlegm faucet."

He just smiled, "You know, when I came home tonight, I was so down. But then I heard Michelle was sick and it put everything back into perspective. I realized what's really important is my family and my friends."

I sighed, "So, you forgot all about the nightmare of an interview?"

"Right until this very moment when you were kind enough to remind me. I was horrible!"

Fang took a drink of his hot chocolate, "Come on. 'Horrible' is a harsh word. You were… Yeah, you were horrible."

"Isn't this where you guys are supposed to jump in with a little pep talk?"

"A sick baby and a pep talk, what am I? A saint?"

"I'll start you off. How about: Every cloud has a silver lining, or the sun will come out tomorrow?"

I set my mug down, "I'm feeling it. Pep is welling up. It's in my stomach. It's working it's was north. It's in my throat and… pep! Dylan, nobody's career goes straight up. You had one rough night. There's always bumps along the way."

"This is good, don't stop."

"Then don't interrupt. The key, Dylan, is to learn from all those bumps, so that you'll be better prepared for next time. Because you will have other chances."

"When? I need a date and a time."

"Soon. Because you're good at what you do! And you know why? Because you care about more than scores and stats. You care about people. Right Fang?"

He looked up after a very violent sneezing fit, "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"And in your own, unique way, you helped the Sandman. People trust you. They know you're a good guy. Right, Fang?"

He sighed, rolling his tired eyes, "Yeah, why not?"

"Thanks, guys," Dylan said, getting up to leave Fang and I to our conversation about our favorite parts during the interview. He turned around to join, "You know what I loved? When I claimed there was no one to blame. I loved how bad that was!"

**A/N: **Be sad, guys! I'm going on vacation and won't be able to work on ANY of my fanfics!

Though, I wasn't working on this one much lately anyway…


	8. S01 E08 Fang's Girl

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Eight:_

_Fang's Girl_

(Fang's POV)

It was the middle of the night and a storm was raging outside. I walked down the stairs into the living room, a bat held tightly in my hands.

I backed through the living room, staring out the window. Then I turned and let out a yelp and Iggy screamed.

Dylan came flying down the stairs, turning on the lights, "Iggy! What's going on down here? What's with all the screaming?"

I leaned on my bat as Iggy held his giant Mr. Potato head in front of him as a shield. Iggy gestured to it, "Dylan, this psycho was about to mash my potato."

"I was not. I heard a noise down here and I thought it was a prowler."

"Liar," he grumbled before I shushed him.

I tapped Dylan, "Follow me, I think it's over here."

We got closer to the organ when we heard a voice from the stairs, "Hello?"

We yelped and turned around to see Nudge and Lio standing in their PJs. Dylan put a hand over his heart, trying to catch his breath, "Don't ever say hello to me like that again."

Artiglio looked at us, "Do you guys play baseball every night after we go to sleep?"

Iggy sighed, "Actually, girls, Fang's holding a bat because he's a wee bit miffed at me."

I turned to him, "A wee bit miffed? I'm miffed off. When I think about what you did to me-"

"Come on. Let bygones be bygones."

"Alright," I said, walking closer to him with the bat, "Bye. You're gone."

Dylan called from over by the girls, "I don't know what's going on here, but why don't you guys stop this and give each other a hug."

I had Iggy by the collar and looked back at Dylan.

He shrugged, "A high five?"

I let go of Iggy's collar, "I'm not in the mood. You know why? I'll tell you why. It's all because of a little story titles 'Mean Mr. Iggy Stabs Sweet Innocent Fang in the Back'."

Nudge grinned, running over to the couch, "Story time."

Dylan sighed, "Girls, you don't want to hear 'Mean Mr. Iggy Stabs Sweet Innocent Fang in the Back' do you?"

Nudge nodded, "Yeah, it's got a great title."

He sat on the couch beside them, "Okay. A quick story, but don't even think about staying up to watch letterman. This better be PG."

I looked at Iggy, "It all started last week. The exterminator business was slow, so I decided to start teaching guitar. I was waiting for my new student to show up."

_I sat on my bed, strumming my guitar to a tune I had stuck in my head. I tried out lyrics, stopping to go back when I couldn't come up with something next, "_She's a lady… She's a woman… She's a muchacha… _Maybe she's a man."_

_Nudge walked into the room, "Fang, there's a girl here to see you. This one's great."_

"_Oh, that must be my new guitar student."_

_She laughed, "Yeah, right. Come on in."_

_A gorgeous girl with long curly blond hair walked into the room with a guitar case in her hand, "Hi."_

_I stared at her, wide eyed. _

"_I'm Corinna Spicer."_

"_I'm Fang Venom."_

_Nudge looked between us, "I'm out of here."_

"_Corinna. That's a really pretty name. So, welcome to the Fang Venom School of Music. I'll take this for you." I took her guitar case and sat it down beside a seat I had pulled in here._

_She looked around, "Interesting décor. You don't meet a lot of men with little pink bunnies on their walls."_

"_I'm also a mouseketeer."_

"_I like that in a man."_

"_Good. Because today is 'Anything can happen' day. Here, take a seat. Why? Because we like you."_

_She took her guitar out of the case. "But, Fang, I have to warn you. I have absolutely no musical experience. I teach second grade and I want to accompany my kids in sing-along."_

"_That's wonderful. You get to work with children. I love younglings."_

_Lio walked in with her teddy bear, its head ripped off, "Fang."_

"_Not now." Corinna looked at me. "I mean, poor Mr. Teddy. Tell you what, once we're done I'll help you sew his head back on his body. Okay, sweetie?"_

_She looked at me, "Sweetie? This is weird. You're pretty, watch him."_

_I went back to my seat, "My little sister. Back to music. Alright now, I'm gonna teach you two simple chords and in no time you'll be playing a song. First chord… You have a really pretty smile. Sorry, back to music. The chord would be a 'd' chord, which is this note, this note, and that note. Try it."_

_She strummed the note clumsily._

"_Good. You now have more talent than Twisted Sister. With those notes, you can play three hundred and seventy four tunes. Including such campfire favorites as '_Hang down your head, Tom Dooly. Hang down you head and cry"

_I switched songs quickly to a slower one and looked in her eyes. _

"After the lesson, I invited Corinna out for a little ride on my motorcycle. Seven hours later…"

_Corinna and I walked into the living room laughing. I turned to her, "You want to stay and have a drink?"_

"_I really can't. I have other plans. But thank you for a great day. A guitar lesson, picnic by the lake, candlelight dinner in the wine country. Do you do this for all your students?"_

"_Well, this was the deluxe lesson. That will be four hundred and seventy five dollars."_

"_The check's in the mail."_

"_Alright."_

"_I'll see you next lesson. Wednesday night?"_

"_Okay." I stopped her before she made it out the door, "I had a really nice time today."_

_I leaned in to kiss her just when I heard little voices behind me, "Ew!"_

_Corinna laughed and walked away, saying goodbye._

_I shut the door and turned around. "Don't ever 'ew' when I'm kissing."_

_I walked through the living room and into the kitchen. Iggy stood behind the sink while Dylan sat on the counter inspecting a pan, "Iggy, this was actually cleaner when the food was cooking in it. Fang, we saved you some chili."_

"_Not hungry," I walked over to the table and sat down._

_Iggy walked over towards me, "Oh, not again."_

"_Okay," Dylan started, sitting beside me, "What's her name?"_

"_Corinna."_

_Dylan's eyebrows rose, "Don't you ever meet a Debbie or a Susie?"_

_I stood up, "Fine. You guys can crack all the jokes you want. But I'm telling you, when our eyes met, there was magic."_

_Iggy shook his head, "With you, there's always magic. You should wear a top hat and pull white doves out of your pants."_

_Dylan stood up, "In Fang's defense, when it comes to love, I think anything is possible. I felt the same instant magic when I met Pam. She walked into my tenth grade geometry class, sat down right next to me, and I said 'Hi, can I borrow your slide rule?'"_

_He said that in a squeaky voice and I laughed, "You didn't reach puberty by the tenth grade?"_

"_Not till I met Pam. But the next morning, I woke up with a mustache."_

_Iggy shook his head, "I'm sorry, no sale boys. Love just does not happen that fast."_

_I sighed, "You know how I know it's real? I can't stop smiling. I'm just smiling away like I'm Nancy Reagan. I just can't stop smiling."_

"I stopped, thanks to him. But Corinna and I were madly in love."

Nudge nodded, "We did see them kissing."

Dylan shook his head, "You should stop making out in front of the kids."

I took Iggy by the collar again, "Mr. Backstabber, why don't you tell everybody what you did today?"

(Iggy's POV)

"Well, I woke up, turned off the alarm, and did that stretching thing."

Fang shook his head, "Not the stretching thing, the backstabbing thing!"

Dylan yawned, "Can you pick up the pace a bit? I'd like to get the girls to bed before Good Morning America."

"Well, it was stormy, and me, Danny, and the girls were getting ready to watch the Wizard of Oz."

_Dylan walked into the living room with a bowl of popcorn and sat it down on the coffee table, "In honor of Artiglio's first viewing of the Wizard of Oz."_

_She grinned, "I'm psyched."_

"_You should be. It's the sweetest movie. There's this pretty girl, Dorothy, and she's got this adorable dog, Toto, who gets kidnapped by this horrible witch. But she gets him back, her house flies through the air, and it lands on this other horrible witch, whose feet curl up like party favors." The doorbell rang, "Trust me, honey, it's the sweetest movie."_

_I opened the door, letting in the most beautiful girl with long curly blond hair. "Hi, I'm Iggy. Can I help you?"_

"_I'm here to see Fang."_

"_Aren't they all?"_

"_I'm Corinna Spicer, I have a guitar lesson."_

"_Fang called to say he's running a bit late. Would you like to watch the Wizard of Oz with us?"_

"_That's my favorite movie."_

"_Mine too. Corinna, this is Dylan, Artiglio, Nudge, and Michelle."_

_Nudge frowned, "Something happened to the TV. It's snowing in Kansas."_

_Dylan huffed, "The cable goes out every time there's a storm."_

_Artiglio glared at the TV, "Fix it."_

"_Lio, this is not something I can fix."_

"_Fix it."_

"_I'll call the cable company."_

"_You'll get a busy signal. Fix it."_

"_Why wasn't I born a cable repairman?"_

_I stood up, "No problem. I do that Wizard of Oz bit in my act."_

_Lio stared straight ahead, "Somebody do something, I'm very upset."_

**(I hate to do this, but I'm going to dumb down his wizard of Oz act because I know I won't be able to type it all out. So, if you could try to find it on youtube, that'd be awesome, but… sorry!)**

_So I did my act, making everyone laugh with a spinning plastic house, all the noises and voices from the movie, a unicycle, and the chanting of 'lions and tigers and bears, oh my'. _

_Everyone clapped as I bowed. "Well, what'd you think?" I asked Artiglio._

_She smiled sweetly, but pointed back at the TV, "Fix it."_

_Corinna grinned, "I loved it."_

_Dylan nodded, "That was an incredible simulation. I hope you don't feel bad when I rent the tape tomorrow. Okay, girls, come on. Time to get you into your pajamas and ready for bed. This should only take five or six hours."_

_I walked over and sat down beside Corinna. She smiled, "Great kids."_

_I nodded, "Yeah, they're the greatest of kids in the history of kids."_

"_I love how children are so open and natural. I think that's why I went into teaching."_

"_That's why I refuse to grow up."_

"_You seem pretty grown up to me."_

"_Who, me? The guy who keeps Abe Lincoln on a stick in his bedroom?"_

"_Iggy, you are so funny. I think that a sense of humor is a very sexy quality in a man. Your girlfriend must adore you."_

"_I don't have a girlfriend."_

"_You're not seeing anyone?"_

"_Sort of. I'm seeing the dentist next Wednesday."_

"_Well, if things don't work out between you and the dentist, maybe you and I could get together."_

"_Well, Dr. Hoffman is pretty cute, but he is married. Pick a time."_

"_How about right after my guitar lesson with Fang?"_

"_Fang… Corinna… OH! Fang, yeah… yeah. Excuse me, I'm going to go check on something in the kitchen."_

_Who would have thought, she followed me.  
>"Can I give you a hand?"<em>

"_No, I'm doing fine."_

"_What exactly are you checking on?"_

"_I'm just doing some random checking. Salt, pepper, duck, stove, sink, faucet, Fang's girl. Well, everything checks out. You know, he's really crazy about you."_

"_Yeah, well, he's a terrific guy and we had a nice day together, but to be honest there was nothing really special between us."_

"_That's not how Fang puts it. And if there's one thing in life that's sacred, it's never mess with a buddy's girl."_

"_But I'm not his girl. All Fang and I really had between us was one innocent kiss goodbye. It was nothing, really. It was one of these."_

_She stood on her toes to peck me on the lips. I smiled, "That right there that was nothing."_

"_It was like four lips shaking hands. Here, we can try it again," She stood up on her toes one more time and kissed me again, but this time it wasn't a peck._

_And then Fang walked in. _

"So, where was I?" I asked, looking around the living room.

Fang stood up, "I came in and found you kissing the woman of my dreams."

"Oh yeah. Good memory. So there we were…"

_Fang walked over to us, setting his helmet on the table, "What the hell's going on here?"_

_I stepped away from Corinna, "Well, Fang, It's actually very simple. Corinna was chocking on some bad cheese, so I initiated the Heimlich maneuver. And, when that didn't work, I tried to suck out the cheese using a Hoover maneuver."_

"_So, you weren't kissing, you were searching for cheese."_

"_You look upset."_

"_Oh, why would I be upset? You were saving the life of someone who is very special to me. I'm not really in the mood to give a guitar lesson tonight. Besides, you're probably still reeling from that near death by cheese. Why don't you go home and practice?"_

_He walked past us and into the living room. "Fang," I called, "Wait a minute. There's something I have to say. Corinna wasn't really choking on any bad cheese."_

"_No!"_

"_We were kissing."_

"_No! Corinna, Iggy and I should probably have a word together alone."_

_Fang walked her to the door as she spoke, "I'm sorry if there were any misunderstandings. I didn't want to cause any trouble."_

_I sighed, "There won't be any trouble. Fang and I are very close friends. We'll have a heart-to-heart and work this out in a very calm, rational, adult manner."_

_She walked out the door and Fang turned to me, and then I was running._

_I made it to Michelle's room and picked her up before turning around, "Freeze! I have a baby and I know how to use it!"_

"_Iggy-"_

"_I'm warning you. She's loaded."_

"_Put the baby down."_

"_Not a chance."_

"_Okay, fine. I'll wait. You gotta put the kid down sometime. Two or three days and that diaper will weigh more than you do."_

"_Fang, I'm really sorry. I should have stopped everything cold before anything happened, I should have talked to you."_

"_Really?"_

"_You were right. I felt this instant magic and I fell in love with her." Dylan walked into the room at this point._

"_You fell in love with her?" Fang asked. "You can't fall in love with her. I fell in love with her first."_

"_I'm sorry, but she likes me more."_

"_How can she like you more than she likes me?"_

_Dylan walked over to us, "Boys, stop this. Michelle has enough love for all of us. Don't make her choose."_

"So, now a second woman had come between us. I wanted to talk things out, but he couldn't stand to look at me. Apparently a Louisville Slugger puts him in the mood for conversation."

"I told you I heard a noise. I wasn't going to bat you."

Dylan stood up, holding Lio who had been sitting on his lap, "Alright, girls, it's time to go to sleep. Fang and Iggy have told you a wonderful bedtime story. I'm sure you'll have visions of jealous little sugar plums dancing in your heads."

Nudge stopped him, "Wait! How does the story end?"

Fang sighed, "Well, Iggy's guilt drives him totally insane, but no one knows the difference."

Lio rolled her eyes, "I don't think so. Wake us up and tell us who gets the girl."

Nudge looked at her, "There's a whole new world that starts the second we go to sleep."

They started up the stairs and Dylan turned to us, "Guy, come here."

Fang huffed, "What do you want now?"

Dylan sat down on the couch, "Before you have a duel to the death, why don't we have one more conversation to work this out."

Fang chuckled dryly, "Not with this scum."

"Okay, then just talk to me. Let me ask you boys a question or two about your beloved Corinna. What are the things she cares about most in the world?"

We were silent.

"What does she look for in a relationship with a man?"

Silence again.

"Let's try this one. What color are her eyes?"

"Hazel," Fang said at the same moment I said 'green'.

"Anybody know her last name?"

"Spicer," Fang and I spoke simultaneously.

"Pat Seajack knows more about his contestants. You know, I don't think you fell in love with Corinna. That takes time. I think, maybe, you fell in love with being in love. Am I right, Fang?"

He sighed, "I do seem to fall in love a lot. It's just because I'm always hoping that this is the one. I just want to meet one nice special girl I can spend my life with."

Dylan went to go sit beside him, "Everybody wants that. But you don't have to try so hard. When the right woman comes along, you really will know it."

I sat down on the other side of him, "I could have sworn Corinna was it. Maybe I did go a little overboard. I guess that I was just shocked that she liked me as much as I liked her."

Fang looked at me, "Why are you shocked? Have a little faith in yourself, you're a good guy. As much as I hate to admit it, it seems like Corinna likes you more than she likes me. God, I hate to admit it. Alright, you're not scum."

"I know that comes from your heart, Fang."

Dylan sighed, "That was almost semi-touching."

Then there was a sound from the door. Fang went on hyper-alert, "Did you hear that? I told you something was out here!"

He flung open the front door and there stood Corinna. He let her in and she looked at all of us, "I really felt terrible so I came back to apologize. But then I heard shouting so I decided to go home. But then I felt even worse so I decided to come back. You both are great guys and I would hate to do anything to mess up your friendship. I'm really sorry."

Just as she was about to leave, Fang stopped her, "Wait. I may have met you first, but we all know who belongs together here. Why don't you take some time to get to know Iggy? He's a good guy. He's got pajama problems, but…"

I ran up and hugged him, "I love this guy!"

"Hug her, not me."

"Sorry." I went over to Corinna.

Dylan and Fang began to walk into the kitchen and I could barely hear their conversation.

"What were you really going to do with the bat?"

"I was going to kill him."

"That's what I would have done."

I just chuckled and leaned in to kiss Corinna. Then the dreaded happened.

"Ew!"

Nudge and Artiglio sat at the top of the stairs. I looked at them, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," they replied, not moving.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

**A/N:** Review and maybe I shall update again soon!


	9. S01 E09 The Miracle of Thanksgiving!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Nine:_

_The Miracle of Thanksgiving_

(Dylan's POV)

I held the craft turkey from the back, barely opening Michelle's door so that I could stick it in and gobble. I heard my baby girl laugh and I moved into the room. "Happy thanksgiving, Michelle," I picked her up. "Today, you have an opportunity that only comes around once in your career as a baby. You can blow everyone away at thanksgiving dinner by uttering one simple word: Turkey."

She just stared back at me, not saying anything. "I'm sorry, you don't need this kind of pressure, do you?" I just chuckled, holding my baby girl to me and walking out of the room

I walked into Fang's room, spotting him still asleep on his stomach. I moved over to his bed and placed Michelle atop his head. "Happy Thanksgiving!"

I heard him let out a low grumble, "Why is there a butterball on my head?"

"Fang, apparently your hair is some sort of baby magnet."

"Man, its seven o'clock, it's a holiday, good night."

I picked Michelle up, "Fang, I'm sorry, but I've got a little problem and I need you and Iggy downstairs right now."

With Michelle in one arm, I reached out and tugged at the back of his shirt, making him get up. I started leading him to the door before letting go and walking out.

He groan, "I've gotta get a lock for my door." He walked into the wall right next to his door, leaning his head against it.

I sighed, grabbing his shirt again and pulling him with me, "We're coming to some stairs, I recommend you opening your eyes."

We walked down the stairs, me calling for Iggy to wake up. His eyes opened and he bounded off his bed in the alcove to come face to face with a still half-asleep Fang. "Good morning, how you guys doing? Boy, it's great to be alive. Happy thanksgiving, buddy."

Fang's frown deepened, "Why can't you wake up grumpy and grouchy like normal people?"

He fell onto the couch face first as Iggy looked at me. I sat Michelle down in her play pen, "Boys, brace yourselves. It's snowing in Tacoma."

Fang pushed himself up, looking at me, "No. Boy, it's a good thing I didn't sleep through that news."

I let out a dry chuckled, "You don't understand, my mom lives in Tacoma and she's snowed in. She was supposed to make our Thanksgiving dinner for us."

Iggy shrugged, "It's not problem, we'll make that seven-course meal ourselves. How, you ask? The miracle-" He put a fist over his mouth like he was holding a trumpet and mimicked the noise "of Thanksgiving!"

Fang pushed himself up off the couch, "You-" cue pathetic trumpet noise "are a moron. There's a miracle of Christmas and there's Smokey Robinson and The Miracles, there's Miracle Whip. But there's no miracle of Thanksgiving, huh."

Iggy put his hands on his hips, "Oh, no? Suppose the Pilgrims had landed in Florida. We'd all be eating flamingo."

I sighed, "All I know is, everything today has to be absolutely perfect."

Fang tilted his head lazily, "Why?"

"Because it's the girls' first Thanksgiving without Pam."

He stood up straighter, nodding sadly, "That's right. That's gotta be rough on them. We gotta make this a fun day, a great day for them."

Iggy tapped him on the shoulder with his fist, "And it will be, you know why?"

Just to amuse him, Fang replied, "Why?"

"The miracle-" cue trumpet "of Thanksgiving! Now let's get in there and cook!"

Fang nodded, "Right! Right after that, we'll hunt for eggs left by the Thanksgiving Bunny."

(Fang's POV)

Food, all of it spread on the table. I stared at it blankly, arms crossed, as Dylan spoke. "Okay, everything's on the table and ready for cooking. What should we make first?"

I didn't even look at him, "Reservations."

He smirked, "I know this looks a little intimidating, but families all over this great country are turning these raw ingredients into a Thanksgiving Feast."

"Maybe we should go have dinner with one of them."

Iggy stood up from the barstool, "Nobody panic, we've got cookbooks. If you can read English, you can cook. For instance: Basic bread stuffing. Melt one third cup butter into heavy skillet."

Dylan walked over to him, "That's easy… On the stove, right?"

I rolled my eyes, "No, we stick the butter in a rocket ship and send it to the sun."

Iggy tapped the book, "Alright, guys, stay with me here. Add one fourth cup finely minced onion."

Dylan walked over to the table, "Uhoh.. We've got three different kinds of onion here. Are there any pictures?"

"Well, here's one of Betty Crocker, but they cut her off above the onions. Okay, stir in four cups breadcrumbs. See pages thirty five to thirty seven. Two cups chicken stock. See pages forty six to forty eight. One pound pork sausage. See pages seventy eight to eighty one." Iggy slammed the book shut, "Stuffing is highly overrated."

I chuckled, "Hey, mister, what happened to the miracle" cue horrible trumpet "with the horn thing, of Thanksgiving?"

He shrugged, "If we can get a restaurant reservation on Thanksgiving, there's your miracle."

Coming in from the living room, Nudge and Artiglio were still in their PJs but had bright smiles on their faces, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

I turned, clapping my hands together once, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Nudge held out an arm, gesturing to the door, "Look out, here comes big, bad biker mama."

Michelle came through the door on his baby tricycle. I leaned down to her, "Michelle, pop a wheelie. Pop a wheelie." Lifting up the front end of the bike, she giggled. "All right. See, I taught her everything I know."

Dylan picked her up, propping her on his hip before looking at the girls, "I have some bad news. It's snowing up north and Mom can't make it."

Nudge deflated, "Oh, no."

"But don't worry," he assured, "cause we're going to go to the best restaurant in town and have a super great Thanksgiving feast. It's quiz time. How is Thanksgiving going to be?"

Lio grinned, "Super great!"

"Thanks correct! And, Nudge, how is Thanksgiving going to be?"

Nudge just stared at the floor, leaving Lio to make a buzzer noise, "Time's up! What do I win?"

Nudge shook her head, "Lio, how could you say that sounds super great? I think the idea stinks."

Lio frowned, "Can I change my vote?"

Dylan handed Michelle off to Iggy, getting down level with his sister, "Nudge, what's wrong?"

"Pam always cooked up a home-cooked meal for Thanksgiving. Don't you think we should have Thanksgiving here?"

He took a deep breath, nodding, "Yeah, we're just nervous about turning all this food into something that can still be eaten."

"Last year, Pam taught me how to make a picture perfect pumpkin pie. So I can make that."

Lio nodded, "And I can help."

"And I talked to Mom last night on the phone and she was going to put me in charge of the turkey anyway. So I can handle that too."

Lio stood up straighter, "If I help."

Dylan grinned, "Nudge, you're right. Guys, we can do this. I'm going to make that stuffing."

I stood up out of the chair I had been sitting in, "All right. And you know what? It just so happens I can do amazing things with a yam."

Iggy smiled, holding his chin up, "And in many parts of the world, I am know as Mr. Vegetable."

Dylan and I shared a look, "Uh-huh."

Taking her under the arms, Dylan chuckled, "Give me my kid."

Iggy shook his body, smile getting bigger, "I'm feeling the miracle. The miracle" cue trumpet "of Thanksgiving! Can you feel it?"

"We feel it!"

"Yes, are you ready?"

"We're ready!"

"Now let's cook!"

**(Look up them setting the table. I would do it, but it would involve too much switching and... Yeah.)**

(Iggy's POV)

I held the turkey on its platter as I laughed, the music just ending as Dylan grinned, "We should have been the new Monkees."

I stood up straight, holding the turkey up higher, "Ladies and gentlemen, the miracle" cue trumpet "of Thanksgiving!"

Fang threw out an arm towards Nudge, "The little miracle-ette who made it all possible: Nudge!"

She smiled, "I couldn't have done it without you guys."

Dylan shifted Michelle in his arms, "Okay, guys, go carve the turkey. Ladies, please be seated at our Thanksgiving table."

Fang and I walked over to the counter with the turkey, Fang reaching for a knife as we listened to Dylan speak to his child.

"Michelle, what are they going to carve? Turkey."

Nudge sat in her place, "This is so much better than a restaurant."

Lio nodded, "Yeah! I hate those booster seats. They squeeze my tush."

I leaned over slightly to Fang as I tried to saw the knife through the turkey, "I think we have a problem here."

He took the knife from my hand, "Let me try." After trying to saw into the meat, he just tapped the side against the top, "It's frozen."

Dylan was still speaking with the girls, "I had no idea you two were so good in the kitchen. The turkey, the pie. You should open up a restaurant and just support me the rest of my life."

Fang made eye contact with him as I pulled out some ice, pointing to it and then the turkey.

Nudge grinned at him, not knowing, "I'm so glad this turned out so perfect. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off but it turned out just the way Pam cooked it last year. Do you think she would have been proud of me?"

He gave her a sad smile, "I'm sure she would have been, honey. Excuse me a second. I'll be right back .You two stay right here."

Dylan sat Michelle down and joined us over behind the counter. Nudge turned in her seat, "Is there something wrong with my turkey?"

I shook my head, "No turkey problem here at all. This is a very happy bird."

Fang nodded, "Yeah, he's happier than heck to be dead right here in our kitchen."

Dylan picked up the turkey, "In fact, I'm just going to shove this sucker back in the oven for just a couple more minutes."

Nudge stood up, "Are you sure there's nothing wrong with my turkey?"

"Of course, honey. You know what a nut I am about that extra crispy skin."

"Well, Dyl, don't overcook it. You don't want it to get dry."

"There's no danger of that happening, Nudge."

As we stood there, smiles plastered on our faces, the doorbell rang, signaling Dylan to jump a bit, "Oh, my gosh. Someone's at the door. Who's gonna get it? I don't know. Let's all go get it!"

Dylan led the way, carrying Michelle. Fang was at the back and gave me a worried look as Dylan opened the door. Standing there were two beautiful women with a large foil carton. He looked back, "Must be your friends, Fang."

He just shook his head, "No. Not yet. Come in."

The one holding the carton smiled, "Hello, I'm Paula. And this is my sister, Alexandra."

"Hi, I'm Dylan Tanner. This my daughter, Michelle, and my two little sisters, Nudge and Artiglio. That's Fang and Iggy."

"Hi!" Lio grinned, "Who are you?"

Paula looked confused, "Isn't this 1882 Jerrard?"

I gave them a small smirk, "Jerrard Way, Avenue, Street, Place, or Lane?"

Alexandra crossed her arms, "I'm not sure. Uncle Henry just moved to town."

Paula sighed, "Can we use your phone? We're already late and this hot turkey's getting cold."

Dylan's eye widened, "Hot turkey? Sure, come on in. There's the phone right over there. Girls, take Michelle and go upstairs and wash your hands."

Lio pursed her lips, "Why? They're clean."

"Yeah, but they're not Thanksgiving clean." They headed up the stairs, leaving Dylan to walk over to us just out of earshot of the women. "Men, this is the miracle of Thanksgiving. That turkey was meant for us."

Fang crossed his arms, "I got a feeling that it may come as a surprise to the young ladies."

"There's only one person who can convince these women to stay for dinner."

Fang shook his head, looking at them, "I don't know, it's gonna be rough. It'd be easier if it was one girl with a chicken on Groundhog's Day."

Dylan didn't sway, "Fang, just think of little Nudge's face when she goes into the kitchen and sees a turkey ice sculpture in the oven."

He sighed, "All right, I'll give it a shot. But I'll need a few things. You dim the lights. Iggy, go get some drinks."

I nodded, tugging my apron, "I'll get us some traditional pumpkin margaritas." Fang gave me a look. "Or I'll surprise you!"

(Fang's POV)

I turned back to Dylan as Iggy left the room. I was about to say something else when Paula hung up the phone. "Thank you. I'm sorry if we interrupted your dinner."

"Dinner? What a coincidence, I was just going to talk about dinner. Why spend dinner at Uncle Hank's house which, by the way, you can't even find when fate has kind of dropped you and your bird, if you will, right here in our laps."

Alexandra smirked, "Because our husbands wouldn't like it."

I dropped back by Dylan, "Well. Ball's in your court."

He stepped forward, panicking and blurting out, "I'll give you a hundred dollars for that turkey."

"Excuse me?" Paula asked.

"One twenty five."

Alexandra laughed, "You want to buy our turkey?"

I nodded, "You bet, one forty."

Paula shook her head, "This is crazy."

"One fifty."

"Let's talk."

(Iggy's POV)

I tipped the bottle over into the cup, watching the contents spill out. As soon as I was finished, I brought the bottle up to my lips, slipping my tongue inside to catch the little drops that did not find the glass.

And effectively got my tongue stuck. I tried to tug on it, but just let go, the bottle hanging out of my mouth. I groaned, going to a drawer and sticking the bottle in, closing it and trying to pull my head back. No luck.

So I moved to one of the chairs. I slid the bottle between the bars, again trying to pull away by picking up said chair. No luck again, and now the bottle was stuck in the chair. I groaned louder, turning to see smoke pouring out of the oven.

So, what did I do? I yelled and ran into the living room. Bottle, chair, and all.

I ran in, seeing the four people turn to me. Not being able to talk, I began making the fire siren before gobbling, trying to send the message.

Alexandra took one look at me and turned to her sister, "What planet have we landed on?"

Paula put on a scared smile, "I'm not sure but I think I hear Uncle Henry calling."

As they made a getaway, Dylan followed them to the door, "Wait, a hundred seventy five and you can keep the stuffing! Two hundred!"

I turned to Fang, gobbling again. He just chuckled, "What is it, Lassie? What is it, girl? Did Grandpa fall in the river again?"

I turned to Dylan, gesturing with the chair to hurry into the kitchen. They did so, rushing when they saw the smoke. Dylan pulled the turkey out of the over, dropping the charred bird on the stove.

Just as the girls came downstairs. Nudge sat down Michelle, mouth open in surprise, "Oh, my gosh."

"I love that crispy skin," Dylan tried.

"What happened?"

"It's all my fault, honey. Your turkey was a little frozen so I shoved it in the oven and, I'm an idiot, I cranked it up all the way."

"My turkey was frozen?"

"Nudge, it's all my fault."

"It was frozen. I didn't defrost it enough."

Lio reached up on the counter, "Don't feel bad. At least, we still can have the pie." And then it hit the floor. "Pie…"

Nudge huffed, "Tell me that didn't happen."

Lio looked up, worried, "That didn't happen."

"Yes it did!"

Lio looked at her feet, "I ruined Pam's picture perfect pumpkin pie." Picking up the skirt to her dress, Lio fled up the stairs, tears brimming.

Nudge huffed, "And I ruined the turkey!" Then, following Lio, she rushed up the stairs.

Dylan took off his apron, handing it to Fang as I got the chair off of the bottle, "I'm going to go talk to Nudge."

I walked over to Fang, hand on the bottle that was still on my tongue, "Iwl go tawk to Wio."

He held up a hand, "I'll go talk to Lio. Here, take Michelle." He was about to walk off before turning back, "Oh, by the way, you've got a bottle stuck on your tongue."

And with one quick yank, he had it off there.

Numb in the tongue, with only me and the baby, I smiled, "Anoder miwacle" cue trumpet noise and the feeling back in my tongue "of Thanksgiving!"

Michelle held out her hand, "Turkey."

(Dylan's POV)

I followed Nudge into my room where she sat on the foot of my bed, "Dyl, you don't have to tell me. I know I ruined Thanksgiving for everyone."

I sat beside her, "You didn't ruin anything."

"I let Pam down."

"Why? Because of the turkey? Nudge, Pam knew Thanksgiving wasn't about turkeys. It's about family and about being thankful for what we have. I'm thankful I've got you. You're the one who pulled us all together tonight."

"You're just trying to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

"No."

"You think you feel bad. I feel worse."

"You couldn't."

"Oh? Wait till I tell you what's been going on. I felt so bad about your frozen turkey that I offered those ladies two hundred bucks for theirs."

"Dyl, that's crazy! You should've just told me the truth and given me the two hundred. That would have made me feel better."

"Thanks for making me feel better," I chuckled, pulling her closer to my side.

"You're welcome."

"Some time's you can act so much like Pam. You always have a smile for me when I need one. I'm thankful you both got to be a part of each other's lives."

"Yeah, like Pam said, smiles are free, so give them away."

I hugged my sister to me, glad she was here.

(Fang's POV)

I leaned against the foot of Nudge's bed, arms crossed. Artiglio's voice came from the closet off to my right, "Fang, are you still here?"

"No, I left. You can come out of the closet now."

"Nice try."

I threw up my hands in exasperation, "All right, that's it. I'm coming in there with you. Look out."

I squeezed into the little closest, having to move a shoe so that I didn't sit on it. Lio just looked at me, "Hi. I broke the pie."

"That's all right. People break things all the time. It's okay, no big deal. Everybody makes mistakes."

"Not pie mistakes."

"Even pie mistakes. You know what, I'll show you a mistake I made when I was your age." I pulled myself out of the doorway, "Hop on my back, I'll give you a piggyback ride." She did so, wrapping her arms around my neck as I carried her from the room. "It was kind of fun, hanging out in the closet."

"You don't get out much, do you?"

I chuckled, heading into my room and setting her on my bed, "You settle down here and be prepared to be amazed at my stupidity." I pulled her over onto my lap after tugging out an old photo album. "Take a look at that," I said, pointing out a picture."

"Who's that goofy looking guy with silly hair and big ears?"

"I don't have big ears," I said, looking at her.

She moved my hair out of the way, eyeing my ear, "They're fine now that your head's bigger. Why was your hair so lopsided?"

"That's the thing, see. When I was eight and Sis was ten, I let her cut my hair because she said she was in beauty school."

"And you believed her?"

"Well, I said I was eight."

"I'm eight and I wouldn't fall for that."

"Well, maybe you're just a little smarter than I am, huh, you little ankle bitter?" I flipped the page, "Look at this one."

"Who's that girl with you?"

"That was Sis. She's pretty, isn't she?"

"Yeah. What's she holding?"

"Well, in one hand she's holding her scissors and in the other hand she's holding about ninety five percent of my hair."

Just as Dylan and Nudge walked in, Lio pointed to another picture, "That's for Halloween, huh?"

Dylan grinned, "How you guys doing?"

I smiled back, "We're cool."

Nudge took Lio's hand, "Let's go have some black turkey and some pie a la floor."

"Okay, but can we make a new pie?"

"Sure," Nudge began to lead her out.

"I promise not to drop it."

"And I promise not to freeze it."

Dylan went to follow them, but I stayed too look at the photos. "You missed a great Thanksgiving, Sis."

Dylan came back into the room, "You coming?"

"Yeah," I sniffed, trying to set the album aside.

But Dylan picked it up anyway, "Wait, look at this. I forgot how much Lio looks like Pam when she was her age."

I snatched the album from him, closing it and putting it back and hoping he didn't notice the few tears. "Alright, yeah, come on, let's go."

"Wait a second. You wanna talk?"

"No, why would I want to talk? Come on, let's go."

Dylan stopped me out in the hallway, "Fang, it's okay if you're hurting."

"I'm not hurting, I'm hungry. I wanna go eat. Let's go, please."

"I hadn't thought about this," he sighed. "But this must be real hard on you. You spent more Thanksgivings with Pam than any of us."

I shrugged off the hand he had laid on my shoulder, "What's it take to get through to you? I don't wanna have this conversation!"

I rushed back into my room, taking a deep breath. He sighed, "Okay, fine. I'll just be moseying along. But if you want to talk, you know my home number."

The tears just kept coming, burning and slipping down my face, "When's it gonna stop hurting, man? I keep thinking the pain's gonna go away but it doesn't. I see pictures, I think of her, I get this feeling, this em-" My voice broke and I sat down on my bed.

Dylan walked over, taking a seat next to me. "I know that feeling, Fang. And I don't think it ever completely goes away. Sometimes it's easier but on days like this, it's real hard. But you don't have to go through this alone."

My voice cracked, "I'm missing her, man. This- It's so hard for me to talk about."

"Talking about it, that's what helps me. Talking about the memories. That's what keeps her in your heart."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Dylan nodded as I wiped away the tears.

"Everybody knows the story about how I got my hair all chopped up and everything, but I'll bet you don't know how I retaliated." I pulled the album back out, flipping open to a picture. "Look at this. Did you ever see your wife with red, white, and blue hair?"

Dylan chuckled, "I think she looked cute. How'd you do this?"

"Picture this, it was in the middle of the night, two things of finger paints and vanilla pudding. I was a wicked little eight year old, wasn't I?"

As I laughed at the picture, Dylan's own chuckled died down. "I'm glad you're here, Fang."

I looked at him, not saying a word, and just nodded. Brother-in-law was feeling more and more like 'brother' these days.

(Dylan's POV)

We sat around the table, hands joined with each other, our heads bowed, and I prayed for us, "Lord, as we gather this Thanksgiving we wanna thank you for this bountiful yet slightly overcooked, reheated meal."

"Amen."

"But we're most thankful for is being part of a family who really loves each other."

"Amen."

Fang cut in, "And God bless my mom and dad who are in Italy, with all my dad's goofy relatives."

"Amen."

Iggy grinned, "And I'd just like to say I'm happy to be a part of this family and God bless my dad who's holding down the house. And to my mom who's on a Thanksgiving gambling junket to Atlantic City: seven come eleven, Mom."

"Amen."

Nudge sat forward in her seat, "Carve the turkey, Dylan!"

"My pleasure. Okay, who wants white meat?" The girls and Iggy raised their hands and I stood up with the knife, sawing into the turkey before pausing. "Scratch the white meat. We have dark meat and really dark meat."

**Credits roll… And I cried writing the scene with Fang and Dylan. Please review, I'd really appreciate it. It takes me forever to do these 'episodes' but I love to do them and do them for my dear readers.**


	10. S01 E10 Iggy's Place

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original.** Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.**

Full House

_Season One; Episode Ten:_

_Iggy's Place_

(Iggy's POV)

"Is this normal?" Artiglio asked, messing with the ends of her hair as she looked up at Nudge and gestured at me making a beat with the iron against the clothes I just folded.

Nudge just sighed, amused, "It is for Iggy."

I just sat down the iron, bouncing on the balls of my feet, "Girls, just wait until you hear what happened to me today. It's amazing. It's incredible. It's unbelievable."

"What happened?" Nudge asked, grinning in excitement.

"I can't tell you," I smirked before walking around to the table past the kitchen.

Nudge's face dropped and she rolled her eyes, "I hate it when he does that."

I rubbed my hands together, my grin staying in place, "I'll tell you as soon as everyone gets home."

As I made my way back over to the ironing board, Fang came up the steps from the garage in his exterminator's uniform, "Oh boy, what a day. Come here girls, give Fang a hug, he needs it." They did so and he sat down his equipment, crouching down to their level. "Look, girls, I know how much you look up to me, but no matter how glamorous you may think my life is, don't ever kill bugs for a living."

Lio just sighed with a smirk that matched her brother's, "Aw…"

Fang stood back up, walking past me to head into the living room, but I stopped him. "Hey, buddy, the insect world got you down? Well, close your eyes because I am going to send you to a land of sunshine and flowers." Lifting up one of the stack of folded clothes, I lifted them to his face, "Smell this."

And he just stared at me. "Iggy, you've been riding in the dryer again, haven't you?"

I sat down the clothes, "I'm just in a great mood. I wanna tell you what happened, but I can't yet."

"Fang, he's driving us crazy," Nudge huffed, followed up by Lio with a whine of "Yeah, make him tell us."

"Okay," Fang sighed, setting down his stuff and opening the fridge, "Iggy, what's up?"

I just shook my head, "Can't tell you."

Fang just shrugged to the girls as he passed them on his way to the table, "The man will not crack!"

Dylan walked in from the living room, seeming upbeat as well, "Hi, girls!"

"Hi, Dyl," they called, going to give him a hug in a rush before breaking away from him and coming back to me.

"Bye, girls," he sighed, straightening back up with a raised eyebrow.

Nudge looked up at me, "Okay, we're all here, spill your guts."

I took a deep breath, looking around at everyone, "I have been chosen as one of the top up-and-coming comics to go on a two-week, 16 college tour!"

The girls let out enthusiastic cheers and Fang returned from the table to give me a high-five while Dylan grinned, "All right, I knew you'd get a job."

Nudge reached out to put a finger on my arm before taking it away with a hiss, "Oo! The man is hot!"

I sighed, going back to ironing with a thought, "There's only one problem; I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not."

"Why not?" Fang asked, looking up from his food.

"When I moved in, I made a commitment to help with the girls and cook and clean and do laundry. I can't just take off like that."

Dylan pushed himself up onto the counter, "Iggy, you have worked too long and hard to pass this up."

Fang walked over to get a drink, "This could be your big break. You gotta go for it."

Dylan nodded, "You _are _going."

I shook my head, "Yeah, but what about the kids? Both of you guys work."

Nudge shrugged, "We could go with you."

With an excited nod, Lio agreed, "It's never too early to look at colleges."

Dylan just leaned over to look at her, "Let's get out of elementary school first."

Fang sat his water bottle down, "It's simple. I'll fill in for Iggy. I'll just take a couple weeks off the bug biz."

"You can do that?" I asked, turning to him.

"Sure, I work for my dad. He can't fire me cause my mom won't let him."

I looked over to Dylan, "You guys sure you can get along without me?"

There was a collection of 'yes's from everyone. I grinned, reaching over to give Dylan a side hug and then hugging the girls. I walked over to Fang, opening my arms wide. He just pointed his finger in my face, "You touch me, the deals off."

"It's too late, I've already started," I wrapped my arms around him while he remained uncooperative.

(Later that day)

I stood in the living room, all of my stuff spread out from the little hovel I was sleeping in, holding a laugh box and a staff as a microphone. "That's no penguin, that's George Bush." I pressed the button on the laugh box, nodding my head. "No, no, thank you. It's wonderful to be here at… uh… fill in the blank college. Home of the fighting…. Some animal." I pressed the button on the laugh box again before noticing Dylan, who had entered the room. I took my finger off the button and gestured to it, "Just a confidence builder."

He nodded, "It's some of your finest work." We both laughed and he pointed to the stack of tapes in his hand, "Why don't I go upstairs and work on this week's basketball blooper reel." And he turned to head up the stairs, he stopped, "Iggy, there seems to have been an explosion in your alcove which has hurled most of your possessions to the four corners of the living room."

I held down the button on the laugh box, not saying anything. "I'm sorry, I love this machine. Look, Dylan, I'll clean it up, okay? You go work on your blooper reel, and I'll get back to writing college material. Now get out of here."

He headed up the steps, leaving the room just as Artiglio decided to enter it in her honeybee costume and carrying her music box. I stopped her and she clicked off the loud music.

"Lio, what are you doing?"

"I'm practicing for my next honeybee meeting."

I sighed, "That's very nice, but I'm trying to rehearse."

She shrugged, "Go ahead, you're not bothering me."

(Later)

I walked down the upstairs hallway, heading into Fang's room. He sat on his bed with his guitar hooked up to his amp. He looked up at me and I lifted my bag, "Hey, I'm looking for a place to rehearse."

He just smirked, "Good luck," before going back to his guitar.

Nudge poked her head out of her room, "Fang, I'm trying to do my homework!"

He stopped and whispered, "Sorry." He watched her close the door before huffing, "I bet you Chuck Berry didn't have to live with three girls who weren't his."

He went back to playing and I looked around before stopping with an idea, "Michelle." Walking into her room and closing the door behind me, I looked at Michelle as she sat in her crib, "Michelle, are you busy?"

She let out some of her baby-gibberish, which her stuffed bird mimicked.

I sighed, "Sorry, I didn't know you had company."

_"Sorry, I didn't know you had company."_

(Later)

I stood in the garage with my laugh box and a glass of water. After going through with the 'thank you' thing again, I sat down the laugh box and lifted the glass, "And now, a little something I like to call 'Ode to a Fountain'."

I got a mouthful of water just as Nudge came downstairs. She stopped at the foot, watching me mimic a fountain by shooting water out of my mouth at different intervals. I waved her in, moving over to the car and spraying some water on it as if I was trying to wash it. I began to hit the windshield and she ran over to turn the wipers on.

I gave her a thumbs up and let the water drain out before putting my hands up, "Tada!"

"Iggy, that was awesome. Every time I see you do your fountain act, I want to throw pennies at your face and make a wish."

I laughed, "Well, just wish I do that well on the tour."

"You'll be great. I finished my homework so you can rehearse in my room. But please don't spit on my bed."

"No, Nudge, it's okay. The garage really isn't that bad."

"It's freezing."

I walked around to the hood of my car and popped it open, showing all of my jackets and shirts. I pulled out my leather jacket and draped it around her shoulders.

"I didn't know you kept your clothes in your car."

"Well, the alcove is so small, but my trunk makes a good closet. The worst part is not having any privacy."

She nodded, "I know what you mean. I live with an eight year old who thinks that I was born so that she'd have someone to play with. Not that I'm complaining."

I laughed, "Oh, of course not. Nudge, in my pre-alcove days, I lived like a king. I had my own door, four walls, and a light switch. It was Camelot! Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, my pre-Artiglio days, my Bananarama poster didn't have to share a wall with Rainbow Brite."

"Not that I'm complaining," we both said at the same time.

She laughed, "Well, if you need a place to keep your socks, my bike basket is all yours."

"Thanks, Nudge, but I keep my socks in the glove compartment. But, if you really wanna do me a favor, you could get me another glass of water so I can finish washing my car."

"You got it!" She said, both of us laughing.

(Fang's POV)

I leaned against the changing table while Dylan changed Michelle, Nudge talked, and Lio kept watch.

"And it was just so sad," Nudge sighed. "I mean, there was Iggy, alone in the garage, spitting water into the air for nobody."

Dylan looked at her, "That is sad."

I turned to him, "It could have been worse. We could've had to watch it."

Nudge rolled her eyes, "Dylan, Iggy has no place to rehearse. Isn't there something we could all do to help him?"

Dylan nodded, "What Iggy really needs is his own room."

I took a deep breath, "Yes, you're right. Iggy needs a room. Okay, let's think about this… Darn, no room. Oh, well, we tried." No amusement whatsoever from the others. "I'm kidding, I'm joking. See, Michelle knows I'm joking."

Artiglio walked over from the doorway, "Dylan, Iggy's not here yet."

"Time out, Lio," he sighed. "Let's have a talk about this whole 'look out' thing. The key is to let us know when Iggy is coming, not when he isn't."

"Oh."

"So, all you have to do is, when you see Iggy coming, give us the secret code. The duck flies at midnight."

"The duck flies at midnight… I should get paid for this."

As Lio returned to the doorway, I picked up Michelle, and Nudge started to talk again, "Okay, I've got this all figured out. Now, I move into Michelle's room, Iggy moves into my room, Michelle moves into the alcove, and Artiglio gets a tent in the backyard."

She turned around, "I don't think so."

Nudge sighed, "Okay, plan B. If we put bunk beds in Fang's room, that means they could be roommates. Great idea, huh?"

I shook my head, "I don't think so."

After a slight pause, Iggy walked into the room, "Oh, there you guys are."

Lio jumped, eyes going wide, "The duck, the turtle, the chicken drives to seven-eleven!" Everyone turned to look at her, to which she just paused and said, "At midnight."

Iggy looked up at Dylan and I, eyebrows knitting together. Dylan just chuckled nervously, "It's a new catchphrase, all the kids are saying it."

He stepped into the room a little farther, still skeptical, "Well, what's going on in here?"

I glanced at Michelle before walking towards him, "We're doing this new family ritual where we sing Michelle to sleep."

He nodded, "A new family ritual? Why didn't you guys call me?"

"Why didn't we call… well, that's simple, too. What it is, is we're doing this four part harmony thing tonight. And, well, let's sing."

I counted to three and we all started singing… four different nursery rhymes.

Iggy just backed out of the room.

As soon as he was gone, Dylan turned to me, "We've got to get Iggy out of that alcove."

"Yeah, you're right."

Iggy walked in, ready to ask something, but Lio cut him off, "The duck! The duck!"

(Few days later)

Iggy continued to place sticky notes on the board he was making while I made breakfast. He was leaving today, and I was ready to take over.

"Fang," he interrupted, holding up the board, "The girls' after school activities for the next two weeks are in blue, except for Nudge's dental appointment which is in green. And, I put the cleaning schedule in pink."

I looked at the board before taking a professional tone, "Alex, I'll take dental appointments for fifty."

Iggy just let out a dry laugh, turning as Dylan came down the stairs. He acknowledged us both, seeming to rush to the table. "Good morning, my friends.

I grabbed the serving plates and headed that way as the girls came downstairs, "You all are just in time. We've got your eggs, bacon, toast, milk, orange juice, and the morning paper, sports section on top."

I dropped the latter of the list next to Dylan, who blinked and picked it up, "It looks like Fang. It talks like Fang. I think I'll keep him."

Iggy stepped forward, "Hey, all Hazel's done so far is make breakfast."

I just rolled my eyes, "So, what do you all think?"

Nudge grinned through her food, "Great. I'll probably have seconds."

I passed out seconds, to which Iggy didn't seem happy. He placed his hands on the table, "How come nobody ever asks for a second helping of my eggs?"

Everyone stopped, looking at him in an awkward silence until Dylan cleared his throat, "So, uh, Fang, did Michelle eat?"

"Like a horse. She's sleeping it off."

"Way to go, Fang. But, I'm sorry, I'm late for work." Dylan stood up, putting on his jacket. "Iggy, you're on your way. Knock them dead. Blow them away. You're going to kill them… You're in a very violent business." As he walked towards the living room, he waved me over, "Did you think of an alternative to Iggy's alcove problem?"

"Not yet, but I stayed up all night thinking about it."

"I thought you had a date."

I smirked, "Well, I stayed up all night."

"Then, let's just keep thinking."

He said goodbye and left through the door about the time a car horn sounded out front. Lio hopped up from her seat, "It's the bus!"

Iggy stood up quickly as I grabbed the lunch boxes, "Oh, I forgot to make your lunches!"

I just cut in, handing them the boxes, "Feedbags, young ladies." The girls said goodbye and Iggy turned to me, silent. I took a deep breath, "Iggy, you better get going. You're going to be late."

"Now, Fang, remember, I left all the-"

"Iggy, we can take care of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. We don't need you. Now, go." I started backing him out of the room. "Leave. Right not. Why aren't you gone? Go."

He laughed, walking through the door.

(Iggy's POV)

I walked into the living room, picking up my jacket and smiling at Michelle in her play pin, "Hey, girl. No, I haven't left yet, but I'm going for two weeks. Something's going on here. I mean, they're having family rituals without me. I can be replaced like that by a rock n roll exterminator." I sighed, "Maybe they don't need me. I think you're the only one who cares about me. Tell everyone I'll miss them… If they care."

**Scene: Jesse taking over for Joey as 'babysitter'**

(Fang's POV)

I was cooking in the kitchen. Again. Nudge and Artiglio sat at the counter, eyeing some of the food.

"Fang?" Lio started, "Maybe we should eat without Dylan. Sometimes he comes home real late."

"Family should always eat together," I stated simply. "We'll give him five more minutes."

Nudge sighed, "Can we start on some vegetables? Did I say vegetables? I must be starving…"

Dylan chose this moment to slide through the door with a grin, "Hi, honey, I'm home." I just glared at him. "I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to rush out at the last minute to cover a story in Oakland. Traffic was miserable-"

"Give me a break," I stopped him.

"Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' me. You waltz in here twenty five minutes late expecting sympathy?"

"Well, I didn't know-"

"I have cleaned the house," I slammed the serving plates down on the table and started serving with a huff, "and washed and ironed your clothes and ran a daycare center for socially deviant munchkins and missed Oprah! Ran this one to a ballet lesson, this one to the dentist. No cavities. Do you realize that I have slaved over a hot stove so you could have a hot meal when you come home, huh?!"

Dylan's eyes were wide, "Fang, I'm sorry."

"_Sorry?_ _**Sorry?**_ Sorry doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! It's all dried out! But do you have the common courtesy to call me and tell me you're going to be twenty five minutes late? No! Well, I am not an animal!" My voice went up an octave and I went wide-eyed myself, "Oh my god, what's happening to me?"

I sat down slowly in one of the chairs around the table, feeling worn. Dylan put a hand on my shoulder, "The first day is always the toughest. Well, I have something to cheer you up. I found the solution to Iggy's alcove problem. I talked to some contractors and during the next two weeks, we are going to build Iggy his own bedroom."

I sat up straight, "Nice, another room for me to clean."

(Iggy's POV)

I slammed through the front door and into the living room, hollering "I'm back!" I went past my alcove, planning to throw my bags by my other stuff.

But my stuff wasn't there. Annoyance built up in me. Really, this is how they would tell me they didn't want me here?

I huffed, heading into the kitchen where I found them around the table playing Monopoly. They didn't even look up. "Uh, hello?"

A glance with a few 'Hi, Iggy's', that's all I got. Then Dylan looked up, "How'd the tour go?"

"Fine, real good. How about here? How were things?"

"Good," Fang shrugged.

"Just out of curiosity, would anybody happen to know where all my stuff is?"

Dylan nodded, "Yeah, we moved it down to the garage."

"I see. Well, maybe there's something else you'd like to tell me, like goodbye. Adios, am-scray. Hit the road, Iggy."

Fang jerked his thumb to the stairs heading down to the garage, "Iggy, your stuffs just down there. Go check it out."

"Oh, I'll check it out and then I'll pack it up. You just threw all my stuff down in the garage? Why didn't you just fling it out on the front lawn? Am I still getting my mail here or did you forward it to the gutter?"

With a look of anger, I turned and went down the stairs. I could hear them following me. "I didn't demand to move in here. I volunteered to help out. And if you didn't need my help, all you needed to say was- Iggy is an idiot."

It wasn't the garage anymore, it was a spacious bedroom, my posters and props set up for me. They just smiled, not saying a word, as I went around seeing everything. "I got a bathroom, my Jets, Manny, my bed!" I jumped up on it before landing on the floor in front of them, "I love it!"

Dylan jumped, mimicking myself, "You deserve it!"

"How'd you guys get my old furniture?"

"Your mom."

"What happened to all the junk that was down here?"

"Attic," Nudge grinned.

"Where's your motorcycle?" I pointed to Fang.

"Backyard."

"Where are we going to park our cars?"

Lio shrugged, "Street!"

I gestured all around the room, "This was the garage? Dylan, this must've cost a fortune."

He stepped forward, expression unchanging, "Don't ask. Iggy, you're my best friend. And you're doing me the biggest favor of my life by helping me raise these girls. This is just our way of saying thanks."

I grinned, "No one has ever done anything like this for me before. And the best part is, even with how great my room is, you guys really want me here."

"Are you kidding? You're part of this family. Face it pal."

We laughed and Fang stood up from where he was sitting with the girls, "Welcome home, Iggy. Tomorrow, you have the day shift."

Nudge put a hand on Lio's shoulder, "This is great news. This means you can move to the alcove."

She smirked, "You're too good to me. It's all yours."

I took a deep breath, "Thanks for the room, everybody."

Dylan patted the back of his hand against my arm, "Forward your mail to the gutter, huh?"

Fang chuckled, "Fling your stuff on the lawn, huh?"

I backed away, defensive, "I was kidding. I'm a comedian, I'm in the kidding business!"

Artiglio, who had apparently climbed up onto my bed, launched onto my back with a laugh, "Kid this, buddy!"


	11. AN

**Hey. Yeah, yeah, I know it's been a while. And no, this isn't an update. I do have good news though: **

**I do have a story going that is being updated extremely regularly. We've been cranking out about four chapters a day. **

**I say we because this story is on a joint account between me and VampireRide. The account is Vampire-knows**

**Yeah, I know, clever. But it works. And it's catchy. **

**Anyway, you guys should go check out the story. It's an MR one, of course, and so far I think it's pretty awesome. **

**Hopefully Still Your Author,**

**MPHknows**


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